‘Ah…’ Christophe put his thumb under her chin and tilted her head so that he could see her face and she could see his.
‘You shouldn’t have had to do that alone,’ he said. ‘You never need to be alone again, Fiona. Not even for one day or one night because… I love you.’ He could feel tears gathering somewhere behind his eyes. ‘You’ve opened my heart again and I thought that could never happen. Not only opened it but you’ve come inside and you’ll be in there for the rest of my life, however far apart we might actually be. But I don’t want us to be apart. I don’t want to live without you,amore. I love you.Je t’aime…’ Christophe tried to swallow the lump in his throat but his voice was still raw. ‘I love the person you were and the person you are and I will love the person you will be.’
‘Ohh…’ Fi’s eyes were already telling him what he needed so desperately to hear but the words mattered as well. ‘I love you, too, Christophe. I knew I was in love with you the day that Bouton was born. I think I really knew a long time before that but I knew I had to hide it.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you didn’t want that. From anyone. And because we were only supposed to be pretending. To make Nonna happy.’
Christophe found himself smiling, albeit with lips that wobbled. He kissed Fi, long and slow, to steady them and then he kissed her again before he lifted his head.
‘I think Nonna’s going to be even happier now,’ he said.
‘Even if I can’t have another baby?’
‘There’s no reason that you can’t. Miscarriages are common. I think that baby just wasn’t meant to be.’
‘Because of how he was conceived?’
Christophe shrugged. They didn’t need to go there. He had been gifted the privilege of being the only person in the world who knew about the struggle Fi had gone through and how much it had affected her life. He could take as much of the weight of that burden as she would let him carry from now on.
‘Maybe it was because it wasn’t the right time for you.’
* * *
Fi knew what he meant but she still wanted to hear him say it out loud.
So she asked the question.
‘Why not?’
And she got the answer she wanted.
‘Becausewehadn’t found each other.’
Fi loved that he made it sound like the obvious answer. She loved that he kissed her again, just as tenderly as he had a few minutes ago when he’d said how happy Nonna was going to be.
Not that his grandmother’s joy could compare with how happy Fi was in this moment. This was real now and not simply a game. This was about being with the man she loved, who, miraculously, lovedher. It was about the rest of their lives. Those shiny promises that were already coming true. She did feel worthy of being loved. How could she not, when Christophe was looking at her likethis? There would be kisses. So many that it would feel like they were never going to end. She had never felt this safe before in her life. But aye… it was also about making a family.
‘Our babies, if we’re lucky enough to be blessed, will be conceived in love and raised with love,’ Christophe said softly. ‘It feels like you have all the love I have to give, but I know there will be more. An infinite amount of more. Enough for all of us.’
‘I have enough, too,’ Fi told him. ‘Ohh…’ Her breath was released in a sigh of pure joy.
She’d learned what it was like to be in love. But now she was learning, for the very first time, just how happy it was possible to be. ‘I love yousomuch, Christophe.’
He didn’t say it back straight away. He was looking down, his brow creasing as he focussed on Bouton, and Fi felt her heart miss a beat. She’d been holding Bouton this whole time but she’d been thinking about very different things. She held her breath, watching Christophe’s face for a clue, before she summoned the courage to look down.
Christophe’s expression was softening. ‘Her breathing’s not so fast,’ he said.
Fi felt his fingers brush hers as he felt for the artery just under the jawbone. ‘Her heart rate is down, too,’ he said. ‘And she doesn’t feel too hot.’
Fi could feel Bouton’s muscles moving in response to Christophe’s touch. She saw those gorgeous, oversized ears twitch as she dropped her gaze, and then Bouton’s eyes opened and she was looking up at them.
Fi caught her bottom lip between her teeth, feeling the rush of hope. ‘She looks like she has complete faith in us to look after her.’
‘Of course she does. Because we will.’ She heard Christophe take in a deep breath and he was smiling at the same time. ‘This is where it really begins. I will look after you too,tesoro. For every day that I’m alive.’
‘We’ll look after each other.’ Fi lifted her face for another kiss. ‘And Bouton.’
