‘Okay… cool…’ But Ellie was focussed on filling tiny gaps now, turning stones so that just an edge or a corner could fit the space.
Fi’s thoughts drifted to the photos she was collecting on her phone. She might just show Ellie the ones of the unusual bark. Not the string of selfies that she and Christophe had taken, their heads almost touching as they leaned against one of the trees and smiled happily for the camera until they’d captured one they both agreed would make Nonna smile. It was taking longer every time because it had become another shared joke to make silly faces before they got serious about trying to look like a couple spending meaningful time together on a date.
Or just together? Christophe had taken Fi to a tack shop in Nice when he wasn’t spending all his free time in Menton in the first few days of his grandmother being back at home. Did shopping count as a pretend date? It had certainly been a lot of fun. Fi had purchased a child’s saddle with a handle on the pommel and cage stirrups so that a small foot couldn’t go too far through and get stuck. She’d bought lead reins and new leather halters for the donkeys and spent even more time wandering around what had always been her most favourite type of shop. They’d taken their first selfie to send to Nonna, that day, standing in front of a life-sized plastic horse who was modelling the latest in saddlery.
Marguerite had given Theo his first ride after some lead training by Fi. Christophe had been there and Fi was quite sure he’d loved it as much as Theo had. Nonna had received a photo that Julien had taken that day, when Christophe was lifting Theo down from the saddle and the tall man and small boy were both grinning at each other in pure joy, with Fi beaming at them both as she held the donkey’s halter. It looked like an advertisement for a picture-perfect little family, and it might be pure fantasy but it was a photo that she was going to treasure as much as Nonna probably would.
A squeak from Bonnie made them both turn their heads but the baby settled again in seconds. Fi’s glance shifted to the donkeys at the end of the lemon orchard, dozing in the shade of an olive tree, but she was still thinking about that photo.
‘Theo loved his riding lesson, didn’t he?’
‘He’s begging for another one. It’s the first thing on his mind every day. Don’t tell Laura but you are officially his favourite auntie. Christophe will always be his favourite uncle but he’s now got the status of a superhero. I think Julien might be a bit jealous.’
‘Heisbrilliant with kids,’ Fi agreed. ‘There was a wee boy in Menton that was terrified of Heidi but he handled that so well.’ She hesitated for a moment. ‘I hope you don’t mind, but he told me about Julien’s first wife. About her cheating on him.’
‘Oh…’ Ellie sounded disconcerted but then she nodded. ‘I’m glad you know,’ she said. ‘I never said anything because it doesn’t feel like my story to tell and, really, it makes no difference to our lives now.’
‘I think it still makes a difference to Christophe’s,’ Fi said. ‘On top of the disaster of his first love, I don’t think he’s ever going to trust a woman again – not enough to have a real relationship, anyway.’
Ellie had filled the final gap. The swift glance she gave Fi was a silent question.
Do you want him to trust you that much?
Fi got to her feet to avoid responding. How could she have answered that? Yes, she wanted him to trust her that much, but only so that he could then find the woman who could give him the family he didn’t know he wanted? Someone who would be the luckiest woman in the world but it could never be Fi? The obvious question then would be ‘why not?’ And it wouldn’t be silent. Or as easy to fend off as she could by simply dismissing it and starting to walk back to the cellar.
‘Want me to get the bag of concrete? Are we going to use that next?’
‘We are. We need a bucket of water too.’
Ellie got the message. She backed away from any further discussion of Fi’s friendship with Christophe as they mixed up sand and cement into a consistency that reminded Fi of the porridge their mother used to give them on cold winter mornings that was intended to ‘stick to their ribs’.
‘How’s Mam doing, do you think?’ she asked as she watched Ellie pour some of the concrete gently around the stones and poke it into gaps with a knife. ‘You see more of her than Laura or I do. Do you think she’s happy that she found Dad?’
Ellie turned to get another scoop of concrete from the bucket. ‘I think that sometimes she’s happier than she’s ever been, but there’s also a sadness there that’s so deep you can’t see the bottom. I found her crying the other day but she said she was happy – she was just grieving all the years that had been lost.’
Fi’s breath caught somewhere deep in her throat for a heartbeat. She knew that feeling. She had filled her life with more animals than people for so long, she hadn’t realised how lonely she had actually been. It wasn’t just her family that had been missing from her life. She needed friends. And the dream of one day finding someone special, like her sisters had. Someone who could share her life. Someone to whom she would be the most special person intheirlife. A relationship that could be enough even without the children that would make it a whole family?
The more time she spent with Christophe, the clearer that truth seemed to become, but Fi knew it was better not to allow hope free rein because that was the only way to temper the disappointment of failure. An occasional daydream was fine as long as it didn’t begin to feel too real. She wanted horses and ponies in her future, too, and they would probably be far easier to find.
‘What’s going to happen?’ she wondered aloud. ‘Mam can’t get much more time off work, can she?’
‘Julien had one of his wine club evenings with Noah and Christophe last night. They were talking about that and Noah said that Laura wants to give Mam her share of our inheritance. He said she wouldn’t let him contribute although Julien said he’s very wealthy. In any case, it would mean Mam might be able to retire earlier, if she wants to.’
‘To stay here? With Dad? Would they get married again?’
‘They’ve never been divorced. I suppose Dad could have been declared dead, but Mam never took that to court. Technically, I’d say they’re still married but… could they live together? Would theywantto…?’
Would they? Fi wondered if her mother was having daydreams of her own. Maybe they had more in common than either of them realised.
The pebbles of the mosaic were hidden now as Ellie carefully smoothed more concrete into the frame and then levelled it.
‘That’s it,’ she declared. ‘We leave it to dry for a day or two and then turn it over, take the frame off and brush away the sand. I can’t wait to see what it looks like.’
With commendable timing, Bonnie decided that was the moment to wake up and let her mother know how hungry she was.
‘I can clean up here while you feed her,’ Fi offered. ‘I’ll put everything away in the cellar and wash the tools.’
Ellie was lifting Bonnie from the basket. ‘I knew it was my best idea ever to employ you,’ she said. ‘I’d better go back to the house. This baby has a very soggy bottom and I didn’t bring any nappies out with me.’
