No, crying was too weak a term for what she was doing.Grievingmaybe came close.
My fury died in an instant and I knelt down and scooped her up in my arms. She gawked at me, but didn’t struggle or protest, so I opened the back door and sat down with her in my lap. As soon as I was seated, she pressed her face into my neck; I sighed and wrapped my arms around her waist.
“Mira, what happened? Why are you crying?”
“I’m not crying!”
“Okay, but I’m going to hold you while you don’t do it.”
She pounded my shoulder once, then gripped the back of my shirt so tightly I heard at least one seam pop. As I laid my cheek on the top of her head, a horrible thought hit me.
“I thought we made good partners. Are you sick of working together and want to ditch me?” My stomach lurched.
She shook her head.
“I said I’d take you to the Sanctuary. Are you afraid I won’t keep my promise?”
Her voice was faint, but I heard her rough no. I frowned, then thought of one more possibility.
“I know you didn’t ask to be sucked into our mission. Are you tired of helping us? No one would blame you.” I grimaced. “I gave Kerry my word I’d help him rescue Gemma, but I can make arrangements for someone else to take you to the Sanctuary. John Morgen can be here in seconds.”
She shook her head again and I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Resigned to her silence, I patientlytwirled the end of one braid around my index finger. At last she quieted down to an occasional hiccup and went limp in my arms, exhausted. She was pressed so close, I could feel her eyelashes brush against my throat.
“It was me, wasn’t it?” I whispered. “I did or said something and it made you feel bad.”
She didn’t answer, but I knew I was right. I ran through the last few hours in my mind.
“Was it when we were talking in my room earlier?” I wondered aloud. “I thought we were going to workout together, but you took off. I was waiting to see if you were coming back when Kerry nearly broke the door down.”
“I tried to thank you for rescuing me,” she whispered, “but it didn’t matter to you. It was like you were saying—”
She stopped herself, but I got it. It broke my heart, but I got it.
“Thatyoudidn’t matter?” Gritting my teeth, I took her face in my palms and pulled her away enough to glare at her. “I waspissed, not brushing you off. Don’t you get it? Kerry made me wait in the car. Me! Wait in the car! Jeez! I felt so stupid, sending in akidto get you when I—”
I stopped myself before I said something ridiculous.
“It doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m just a burden you picked up and got stuck with.” She sat up and away, and I immediately missed her soft weight on my chest. “I’m gonna get outta here and let you all get on with your lives.”
“You are not a burden. And I don’t want you to leave. Do you hear me, you stubborn woman? I don’t want you to go.”
“You … you don’t?” Her golden eyes were anxious, and, even though I hadn’t intended to hurt her, I wanted to throat-punch myself.
“No. I don’t.” I gathered both of her braids in one hand and gently tugged them. “Stay. Please.”
“Why?”
Why? Is she kidding? She can’t guess? I suppose for a girl who’s had so little love and care in her life, it could be hard to recognize the signs that a guy’s into her. Or I’ve hidden it better than I thought. Pretty sure Kerry’s figured it out, though, and ifhecould figure it out, you’d think anyone would have.
I sighed and decided to give her a little of the truth.
“You’re good with Kerry. You can relate to him in a way the rest of us can’t. Gigi and Jax like you and would worry if you left because too many nephilim are disappearing all over the country. And we need you on this mission. You’re a great fighter and level-headed and street-smart.”
Her face closed up and her eyelids drooped until I saw only a thin glimmer of gold. Crap. She needed me to say it, didn’t she?
“AndIwant you to stay. I feel good when I’m with you. Happy.” Taking a deep breath, I cupped the side of her face in my palm and stroked my thumb over her cheek. “I’m basically selfish, Mira. You matter to me and I don’t… I don’t want you to disappear from my life.”
Her eyes flew wide open and met mine.
