The other five laughed.
Taclo said, “It wasn’t a request. Dimmon says if Jeffrith ain’t around to test your fervor, he’ll have to do the honors.”
They surrounded me and grabbed my arms. Hauled me along down the road, even as I kicked, bit, and clawed. The bastards saw it as some kind of game, chuckling the entire way.
And there, in the corner of an alley, watching from afar with a bleeding face—almost like he cried bloody tears—Baylen stood stoically, his lips firmed as he watched the boys drag me away.
For the first time since I could remember, I wept. Great, ragged sobs poured out of me, the emotion flooding out as I realized I wanted tolive. The indifference and hollowness I’dshown the past few months cracked. Ididcare about my soul and who broke it.
The tent-flap to Dimmon Plank’s hovel was already open when they hauled me to the leader’s abode.
That night, in a life filled with so many horrid ones, was the worst of my young life.
Chapter 8
For more than a week, I was at the mercy of the wretched leader of the Diplomats, Dimmon Plank. The foul bastard kept me bound by tight ropes to the leg of his bed—the only actual bed among all the Diplomats. He kept the best things for himself, including me.
My young age was no deterrent to him.
It was not a loss of innocence that ruined me.Thathad been lost long ago, before I’d reached the age of ten.
No, it was the helplessness that fueled my inner pandemonium. It drove me insane every time he dragged me onto that rancid-smelling cot and did his worst.
I quickly learned to escape in my mind. To lock away the pain and torture of his ministrations into a compartment all its own—one I would not access for years. Sometimes the daydream I lived involved the snowy sunflower from my dreams; other times it was the nightly feasts atop the rooftop overlooking the bazaar, not with Baylen in my head, but with Sister Cyprilis.
The poor girl I had seen getting defiled, when I was powerless to stop it. Now I was living her life and still powerless to stop it.
Suffice to say, I lived. Dimmon Plank skyrocketed to the top of my list but it meant nothing considering my current situation. I had no idea what my list wasabout, other than it being people who had wronged me, people I hated with every fiber of my being.
I became more than despondent afterward, if it was possible. There was listlessness in my eyes, I was told, because my spirit had been broken. I no longer cared to live or die, no matter whatmy mind told me to feel when Jeffrith had attempted to do the same thing Dimmon forced upon me.
He brought me scraps from nightly dinners. Just enough to survive on. I was trapped in darkness, both in the slovenly dwelling he called a home which hid me from the sun, and in the chaos of my own mind.
What did I do to deserve this? How can I ever escape this fate? What must I do to win my freedom?
I asked myself those questions night after night—every time he dragged my bound body onto his bed, every time I fought through the numbness and pain, every time he finished with me, every time he sneered that bearded, disgusting face in my direction.
“You understand, don’t you?” Dimmon asked me one night, a week into my captivity.
I kept my eyes on the mucky ground, sitting hunched against the side of his bed, stripped of all garments. I did not respond.
“You took one of my best from me. Something special.” He crouched in front of me, his rank breath washing over me as he smiled and cupped my chin between his thumb and forefinger, trying to lift my gaze to his eyes. “So I must take something special from you, you see?”
I didn’t fight back or snap at him as I should have. Though I had been relegated to a beast of burden for Dimmon Plank’s pleasure, my mind swirled with hallucinations. I wasn’t myself, couldn’tbemyself, because keeping myself inert, dormant, and lifeless was the only thing keeping me alive. It was the only thing stopping me from bludgeoning my forehead against the ground every morning when I had a moment alone.
“Tomorrow, the Diplomats will be rid of you. Can’t have an unhinged murderess on our hands, now can we? Bad for business and morale. It is a sorry loss, but you’ll fetch a fine pricegiven your prettiness.” He shrugged, throwing my face aside and standing with a sigh. “Perhaps as fine a price as Jinneth.”
At mention of Jeffrith’s sister, I stiffened. I wondered if poor Jin had learned I had killed her brother, wherever she was. I imagined my own name onherlist.
I kept the thoughts of Jinneth brief, not letting them invade my head and bring me back to reality.
Reality meant death.
Dimmon dropped his pants and tore his shirt off his bulky body. He stood in front of me, nude and wretched, and I kept my eyes on the ground.
“I suppose sullying you was not in my best interest in terms of remuneration.” He shrugged to himself, sitting on the edge of the bed and lifting the rope that held me tethered. “Alas, it couldn’t be helped. A life for a life, I say.” He toyed with the rope, starting to pull it and force me to my feet because it was wound so tightly around my neck.
“What’s one more night of fun before I hand you over to your new master?” Dimmon chuckled to himself. “Given your luck, he’ll be worse than me.”
