And as for Harvard…I hated to admit that Noah did have a point. I’d only applied because of him, and I’d only accepted because, well, it wasHarvard,and who turns that down? My dad was so damn proud. And it had meant being with Noah more.
I’d never really stopped to ask myself ifIwanted to go there.
It was only when I started driving back toward the beach house that my mind turned toward Lee. I guessed maybe, if Noah and I weren’t going to be an item anymore, I’d have a little more time to make sure my relationship with Lee didn’t suffer because we lived on different coasts. And since Noah and I had ended on pretty civil terms, things should be a lot easier than the last time, and Lee wouldn’t need to feel stuck in the middle.
Oh my God.
Lee.
The arcade!
I gasped audibly, letting go of the steering wheel to clap both hands to my face in absolute horror for a second before I grabbed the wheel again and jerked it around, hitting my turn signal at the last second to pull a U-turn.
I was the worst. I was the absolute worst.
Even though I was pushing the speed limit, it seemed to take forever to get to the boardwalk. Running down toward the arcade, I felt like I was running through syrup, like I was trying to run in a dream.
I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten.
I couldn’t believe I’d blown off the bucket list for my relationshipagain.
I was the worst.
By the time I reached the arcade, I knew it was too late. The sun was already low in the sky, a few lights shone outside buildings or along the boardwalk, and families were leaving. And Lee—
Lee was leaning against the railing, staring out at the water. The arcade doors behind him were closed, the lights inside all turned out.
Panting, I skidded to a stop a few feet away, enough to catch my breath and remind myself that yes, 100percent, I was the worst. And then I crossed over to him.
My heart was in my throat and there was a shrill ringing in my ears.
“Lee, I’m…” My voice came out scratchy and thin. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I’m so, so sorry. I promise I’ll…I’ll make this up to you somehow. I’m so sorry.”
He didn’t look at me, but he did lift his head in some kind of half-hearted nod, and I heard the small breath of dry laughter he let out.
“Sure. That’s what this whole summer was about, right? The bucket list. It was all about making it up to me. Well, forget it. Don’t worry about me, Elle. I don’t need it.”
“Oh, come on, Lee. You know that’s not what—”
“I don’t have anything to say to you right now, Elle. I waited for you for two hours. But hey, you know, it’s cool. I don’t have to guess where you were.”
My hand came up to squeeze his arm.
“I’m so sorry. My phone died at work, and then I went to find Noah and…well, he…we…um…Something came up,” I said. I knew if I told him now he’d think I was just looking for sympathy, and that totally wasn’t the case. “Oh, come on. Please don’t be mad. We still got to play a few days ago, right? And there’s gotta be otherDDMmachines around somewhere, if you really want to play.”
Lee’s head snapped toward me, looking so furious that I fell back a step, my hand dropping from his arm as if he’d given me an electric shock.
“Is that what you think this is about? TheDDMgame? What, do you think I’m five years old?”
I don’t know, you kind of act like it sometimes.
I bit my tongue. Right now was not the time for a snarky retort.
“It’s not about the fucking game!” he cried. “It’s about us! Our friendship! This whole summer, all the bucket-list stuff, Iknowit’s all been about trying to make me feel a little less like second best after you picked Noah over me. I knew this was how things would turn out. Since you guys got together, you’ve been saying I still matter, that you’re not putting him first, but the truth is, that was never going to last. At some point, it was going to be him. I just didn’t think it’d happen this soon. And let’s face it, Elle, if it wasn’t Noah, it would’ve been college, or work, or Brad, or Levi, or whatever! It’s been a long time coming, I guess.”
I stared at Lee while he ranted at me and felt my anxiety over upsetting him vanish completely. By now, my blood was boiling, because how dare he?
Was he serious?
