I let out a shuddering breath, wanting to give into him, to feel what it’s like to be adored by a man, but I can’t. Not like this.
Instead, I pull away from him and lie on my side.
“Annora.”
Pain hammers against my heart, but I remain on my side, facing away from him.
“Have you ever asked me what I want? What I need?” he asks, his words low, raw.
“No.”
“I needyou.Your charcoal-stained hands. Your love of food. Your drawings. Your laughter.” He brushes his hand against my arm. “Everything else doesn’t matter. It cannot matter.”
“But it does to me,” I say softly. “It does.”
He pulls away from me, and my heart throbs against my chest as he stands and grabs his surcoat. As he pulls it on, I rise to sitting and meet the storm in his eyes.
“Don’t leave, Jasce.”
“Every time I try to get close to you, you push me away.”
“I’m protecting myself,” I whisper.
“You are building a fortification you do not need.”
He doesn’t understand that he’s the top of a summit I could never reach, nor should I. One day that summit will pierce the silver sky, and crimson will bleed everywhere.
He’s crimson. He will always be crimson.
I pull my knees up and place my arms around them and meet the storm still churning in his eyes. He yanks on his surcoat and gives me one final look before leaving the bedchamber.
I shove my fingers against my mouth and resist the powerful urge to scream.
Whoever did this to me was cruel. So very cruel.
ChapterThirty-Four
As I movearound Jasce’s bedchamber the following morning, everything we talked about echoes through my mind. Every word. Every moment. Every touch. Everything that didn’t happen but could have.
Jasce would happily bed me if I allowed it. But every time I think about abandoning my control, I see Asha and her disapproving face. She would never want me to be with Jasce.
As I move toward the door, a glint of something out-of-place catches my eye. I bend down, scooping up a folded piece of parchment, and open it.
You have questions, and I have answers.
You will find me at the purple cottage along the banks of the Hyacinth River. Come alone and tell no one.
Mazaline.
My heart pounds against my ribs as I fold the parchment. Mazaline is here, and she wants to see me? I open the letter again, reading every word as my skin prickles with excitement. It’s happening. It’s finally happening!
I’ll speak to Mazaline, and everything will change. It has to change.
My happiness receives a considerable blow the moment I step into the corridor and remember, I cannot go anywhere alone. Alban is always nearby. Always.
Even now, he straightens when he sees me and stares at me. He knows I will lead the way, and he will follow. But this journey I cannot take with him. Jasce warned me to never go into the city without him, and I have no wish to upset him.
“Do you know where Lord Jasce is?” I ask.
