“Is it selfish to want you near me?” Hurt underlines his question.
Frustration grips me as I pull away from him and rise to sitting. “You like the benefit of having a Kyanite healer with you, and you like that I can attack your enemies with Bloodstone magic.” The horror of what I did to those Malachites returns as I continue flinging words at Hector. “You and I both know the truth. You need me, Hector, and you will use me to bring back magic to your people.”
“Do you not think I want you for who you are, Sol? Do you truly believe I want you to forfeit your happiness or not be able to heal?” Pain sparks behind his words. Real pain. “If you think that, you don’t know me.”
“Idon’tknow you, Hector.” The comment isn’t meant to hurt. It’s simply the truth.
“You know enough.”
“I know you like the benefit of having a Kyanite healer with you.” More and more I twist that blanket as I speak. “And you like that I can attack your enemies with Bloodstone magic.”
“Sol…”
“You don’t even trust me.” I put my hand up to stop his rebuttal. “You said so yourself.”
Hector scrubs a hand down his face. “I want to trust that you won’t run away.”
“Why can you not just admit what you want?” The question comes out with threads of pain embedded deep in my words.
Iknow the truth.Heknows the truth. At the end of the day, he still wants to use me, and I will run before I allow it.
He exhales and stares down at his hands. “I want you, Sol.”
Frustration builds as I think about being tied up, blindfolded, and forced to go on this journey with them. He may want me, but he wants magic more—my magic. Bloodstone magic. All of it.
“You admitted it before. Why won’t you admit it now?” I say more to myself than to him.
“I admit we have some things to work ou—”
The frustration finally overwhelms me, and I shout. “Say the words, Hector.”
“Enough.” He reaches out with both hands to grab my face. He breathes in, and when he breathes out, I can tell he’s trying to gather that calmness that I have come to expect from him.
“I just need…” He caresses my cheeks with his thumbs as he takes another deep breath.
With everything in me, I try to find that same calm, that peacefulness he found. It alludes me.
“What do you need?” I say after a while of unbearable silence.
“Time.” His jaw clenches as he slashes his fingers through his hair. “I just need time.”
“For what?”
The lines near his mouth soften as he speaks. “To assure you, I’m not the monster you think I am.”
“I don’t think you’re a monster, but I do think you’re using me to get what you want.”
“I’m not,” he says, his voice so low, I wonder if I imagined it.
If that were true, he wouldn’t take me to the cave. He wouldn’t have the book with Bloodstone spells.
I keep these thoughts to myself and instead softly plead. “Then let me go to the pool of Zalhandara.”
The mattress creaks as he gets up, moves to the washing stand, and grabs it with both hands. “I’m no fool, Sol. You will not return if I let you go.”
He’s right. There’s a dark pull here, a force I cannot outrun if I remain. That leaves me only one choice—run as far away from the Bloodstone people as I can.
I fold my arms across my body and say with more lightness than I feel. “Do you have such little faith in yourself and your ability to make me fall for you?”
