“You seek the pretense.” I untie the belt cinched around my waist and lay it over the table. “Why not enjoy the benefit of married life?” I have never met a man like him. All the ones that came to Father’s brothel paid a lot of coin to be there. They all wanted the same thing, a woman in their bed. Why doesn’t Gabriel want that?
“Because I don’t trust you.”
Then, he might reject me, cast me out, the way Kyanite men do when they no longer want their wives. Once a Kyanite woman is rejected, she lives apart from her husband. She’s never allowed to wed again. Nor is she allowed to see her children. Her husband is free to remarry.
My throat clenches. If Gabriel rejects me, I’ll have no way to find Roland.
I unlace my surcoat and allow it to slip down my body, leaving only the chemise. “You would rather deny yourself a night of pleasure?”
He takes a long drink before answering. “I prefer not to wake to a dagger in my chest.”
If I met him under different circumstances, I might have admired his ability to resist me. As it is, his unrelenting rejection chafes my pride. And it strikes fear into my chest. Real fear. The kind capable of ruining everything I have worked for.
Men bed women they desire. They reject women they don’t. At least, that’s what I have witnessed over the summers.
His words echo in my ears. “I prefer not to wake to a dagger in my chest.”
“Do you think me capable of murder?” I sit at the end of the bed and gaze up at him.
A slight smile touches his lips. “I would prefer to not find out.”
I bring back the covers and lie on the left side of the mattress. “If I wanted to murder you, I could do so while you sleep next to me.”
“True.” He empties his goblet and sets it on the table. “But at least you wouldn’t deceive me after I had you.”
The mattress moves beneath me as I roll to my side. “You think I’m capable of deception and murder? I’m not sure if I should feel insulted or flattered.”
The mattress dips as he sits on the opposite end of the bed. “Feel nothing.”
“Is that what you do?” Those words slip out before I consider them.
His mouth tightens a fraction as he runs his hands through his black hair again.
My pledge to myself after he refused to consummate our marriage floods my ears. Flaming his anger will not win his devotion.
“Gabriel.” I remember the way the women in the brothel spoke to their patrons and adopt that silky voice. “You don’t have to trust me, like me, or believe in me to obtain pleasure. Let me ease your frustration.” Boldly, I draw closer, allowing my breasts to brush his arm. “At least give me a chance to try to please you.”
It always worked for them. Surely, it will work on Gabriel.
“Why? You are a Kyanite, yet you want me to think you desire my touch?”
“I have needs. The same needs you have. It doesn’t matter who you are, or what you are.”
If I closed my eyes, I would no longer see his coat of arms, and I would just be a woman enjoying a stolen moment.
He holds his thumb against the pulse at the base of my throat. “You’re lying.”
“I am not.” Thank the sky above. The three words come out even and not in a squeak.
Those silver-blue eyes slide over me as he presses in deeper. “You don’t desire me.”
“What you feel is merely my lack of experience. I have never been with a man.”
It’s true. I have never gone farther than I did with Malachi. He was the first man I shared moments with and the last. After I left, I immersed myself in my training. There wasn’t time for anything else.
“Never?” Gabriel asks, as if he doesn’t believe me.
“Yes. Never.”
