“Went down as in went to prison?”I ask and she nods, barely meeting my eyes.
Why didn’t I know this?Did Rogue?
“I got busted for possession,” she says.“And I know it sounds twisted, but it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me.Nothing like getting your freedom taken away, the last thing I still had at that point as it were, to straighten you out.But it worked out.I got clean and I learned a trade.They tell me I’m now the best tattoo artist in the tri-state area.People come from all over to get inked by me.”
She’s smiling widely, but her eyes are sadder than ever.
“How long were you inside for?”
I don’t even know why I’m asking this instead of something more uplifting about her tattooing career or something.But it’s suddenly very important to me to know all the fucked-up things she lived through and I wasn’t there for.
“Two years, but it was a minimum-security place, not so bad,” she says.“They had a great rehab program, and I met Bear’s daughter in there.She taught me everything about tattooing.”
“Who’s Bear?”
“He’s… or was the owner of the place you found me in,” she says.“The dweeb’s his nephew.He’s running the place now.”
“You’re so close to them, but they let that dweeb treat you like that?”I very nearly get up and go teach all of them a very belated lesson in decency.And start making up for the last decade in which I didn’t take care of her like I should’ve.
“Bear had to retire, his daughter’s still inside and Doogie’s all he’s got,” she says.“But it’s fine.I’ve been thinking about going freelance anyway.I’m ready.”
She gives me a look I haven’t seen in over a decade.Except in my dreams.I see it often in those even though she never speaks.It’s a look of welcome, devotion and belonging all rolled into one.Only she can give it.Only she can make me believe it.Being an orphan, a black kid adopted by white parents, I never really felt I belonged.Until she looked at me like this.It was a long time ago, but it still feels like yesterday.How?
“Maybe I could do it in LA?”she asks quietly.
I almost yell, “Yes!”but end up just clearing my throat.
“I’m ready to go home,” she adds.“And now that Angel’s killer has been dealt with maybe I’ll be accepted again.And my family won’t be a threat to anyone anymore.”
“Yeah,” I say and leave it at that.
She’s always been impulsive.Always acted first and only thought about it after it was done.It’s gotten us in so much trouble over the years.But it’s also given me some of the best memories I’ll ever have.
“Unless you think me going back home isn’t a good idea,” she says.“I thought you coming here was a sign… “
“I think it’s a great idea,” I say and finally manage to smile at her.I’ve wanted to do that since I saw her.“You’ve been gone too long.”
She gives me one of her classic, beaming, light-up-the-whole-room Bella smiles.I missed those very much too.But her eyes are still sad.
Signs were always her thing too.She saw them everywhere.And she didn’t need much more to act on something that one of those “signs”.I’m glad none of that’s changed.
But can we really go back?Or more like, should we?
Then again, maybe this sign is telling her the truth.
I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing more of her.As in every day from now on…
4
Bella
For the past five years, since I got out of prison, I’ve been keeping my head down, going to work and then home with no social life in between.The only excitement I felt was from a tattoo well done, a client who let me freestyle a design onto their skin and the occasional shopping spree.
Then here comes Blade, crashing back into my life straight out of my wildest dreams, and I’m ready to upend it completely, quit my job, and move across the country?The scariest thing about that is I don’t regret saying it.In fact, I’m already planning the whole process in my head.Doodie is not getting a two weeks’ notice from me, but my clients might need it.
“Do you think I’m being too impulsive, saying I’ll move back to LA just like that?”I ask.
We’re just sitting in our booth at Starbucks, I hardly had a sip of my coffee and he hasn’t touched his tea at all, but it feels like weeks have already passed.Years maybe.
