She slips into my lap, finding just enough space between my abs and the table, and rests her head on my shoulder.
“You’re in one of your brooding moods,” she observes.
I just nod my head, because why bother her with it.Eventually it’ll pass.
“Why?”she asks and I shrug.I don’t actually have a good answer for her.
“Are we moving too fast?”
“Funny you should say that.”I put a lot of emphasis on the wordyou.Seeing as she has always moved fast and never actually admitted it might be too much.
She pushes the table back, so she has more space, but doesn’t vacate my lap.Instead, she takes my cup of coffee and finishes it.
“Making love is great and all, but maybe we should talk,” she says, looking at me pointedly, her hair tickling my bare chest.
The sea outside the windows is reflecting all the glaringly bright light of the morning sun, making it impossible to look at.But I do anyway.
“You’re like the sun to me,” I say.“Too bright and too hot sometimes.”
“But?”she says, smiling at me.Clearly my broodiness has not killed her good mood.It rarely does.Just another way we’ve always complemented each other.
But her eyes are sad.Sadder than I’ve ever seen them.And worried.Fearful even.I have never known Bella to be afraid of much.The way she just got into that psycho’s car to try and save me is just one example of it.
“But I love it,” I say.“Because without you in my life everything is very cold and dark.”
“Now that’s what I like to hear,” she says, but her eyes are still fearful as she waits if there’s any more buts.
“My life’s pretty dark and cold without you in it too,” she says quietly when she realizes I’m not gonna speak.“For what it’s worth.”
“It’s worth a lot,” I say.“You’re worth everything.Even if you decide to leave me again.”
She gasps and stiffens in my arms.“Is that what we need to talk about?”
I shrug because I really don’t know.“Maybe.”
“I thought I was doing all of you a favor by leaving,” she says.“You most of all.Dante was still after me, my family… they might’ve come back to finish the job they started.And I had no friends at your MC.You know that.I still don’t.But most of all, I wanted you to be safe.”
“I can take care of myself,” I say.“And I would’ve taken care of you too.If you’d just let me.”
The fearful sadness returns to her eyes, her sun growing dimmer and dimmer.“I was gonna get clean, let some time pass and then come back.But it all just spiraled out of my control.And before I knew it, ten years had passed, and I figured you wouldn’t be so happy to see me anymore.I thought you’d moved on.”
“But you didn’t think to check?”I ask.
This time she shrugs.“I was getting up the nerve.But I’d hurt you badly, I knew that, in more ways that one… I figured staying away was for the better.Especially since you didn’t come looking for me either.”
I look at her very closely, to see if she’s just saying that to argue, passing the ball to me, as it were.But her eyes are still sad and there’s nothing but truth in her face.
“Maybe I should’ve… no, not maybe… I should’ve,” I say.“Because my life’s not a lot of fun without you.”
“Because you love me?”she asks, smiling faintly.
“Always and forever,” I say and wrap my arms around her.
“Yeah, me too, always and forever.”She leans against me once more.
And I know the truth of all that through how we just had this whole heavy conversation with neither of us wanting to leave each other’s arms.I think that speaks volumes.I don’t think any words beyond that are actually needed.
“Maybe we could just stay here for a while,” she says.“Get reacquainted some more.Talk some more.Or whatever.”
