“Maybe just one to start,” she says.“Then you can add more if…”
“If it’s not too painful?Gotcha.”
I turn on the needle and the buzzing sound makes her tremble.Another reaction I’ve seen a bunch of times before.
“Don’t worry, you’re a tough lady,” I say.“It won’t be more pain than you can handle.”
I regret the words as soon as they’re out of my mouth.I caused a bunch of that pain for her, including putting her only son in a coma for three days.My father and brothers did that, but I might as well have done it, since it happened because of me.
“We’ll see if I can handle it,” she says and laughs.“Else I’ll just have a little dot or something… if I change my mind.”
If she’d been thinking the same thing I was, it’s not evident from her voice.And I better get started before those terrible memories swallow my whole mind and leave me useless.
As soon as I draw the first line, the now disappears and I’m all-in on the art I’m creating.It happens when I draw on paper and even more so when I draw on skin.I love it.
“You don’t think my saggy, old lady skin will make it look odd?”she asks, eying what I’m doing.
“Your skin is great,” I tell her and it’s not even a lie.“I think it will look gorgeous.”
The butterfly would look perfect on her hand, as though just resting there for the moment.But she’d never go for a tattoo that’s visible all the time.So I’m putting it along her collarbone, where it’s easily covered, or uncovered whenever she wants to look at it.
I was right about her high tolerance for pain.She barely flinched when the needle pierced her skin and is handling it fine as I go on.
“So what color are you making it?”she asks.
“I was thinking sapphire, yellow and black,” I say.
“Perfect,” she says.“It’ll be like a piece of jewelry.I do love sapphires.”
“I know you do,” I say.“That’s why I chose those colors.”
She gives me a sidelong look that pulls me right back into the whirlwind of memories I’m trying really hard to ignore.I don’t return her look, just focus even harder on the drawing and it helps.Somewhat.
I’ll need one of those stronger reflector lights in here.I thought I could get away with it without getting one, but the light is fading fast and not even turning all the lamps and ceiling lights is helping.Not that I need much light to work with.I see the design in my head clearly, and my hand translates it onto skin exactly.That’s always been a gift I had.Probably my only gift.
My vision of a butterfly that had just landed on her collarbone is coming together perfectly.I can’t wait to add the colors.That’s when the vision will truly come to life.But for now I’m just tracing the outline, just making the shape to fill, just giving it the first inklings of life…
“You really love this work, don’t you?”Sophia asks.
Her eyes are clear and pain free as I gaze at her, get sucked into them, because I’m still so lost in the work.
“And I really love your son too,” I say.
No idea what made me say it.I was so consumed by the art I was making I’d lost touch with the real world.It happens all the time.That’s why I prefer to not engage in small talk when I work.Because I never know what stupid thing is gonna come out of my mouth.
There’s pain in her eyes now.And my needle isn’t even touching her skin.
I remedy that by getting back to work, praying to get back the focus I had.But it’s melting away even as the colors I’m applying melt together into perfectness.
“I was trying to get help for him that night,” I say.“I was trying so hard.I don’t know if anyone ever told you…”
“He told me,” she says.“It was the night you were abducted.”
“And I never imagined my family would beat him up so badly,” I say, choosing to ignore the last bit of what she said.
That night is just darkness in my mind, the next two weeks even more so.The only light is the love exploding in my chest, love for Blade, that led me forward, let me fight, kept me sane in that dark basement.“I never imagined a lot of things… things I should’ve known.”
The silence that follows is full of the buzzing of my needle that sounds like water flowing fast somewhere.Like maybe under the bridge.If only I were so lucky.Of course no one trusts me, of course she doesn’t trust me.I’ve done nothing to deserve anyone’s trust.
