“Oh.” She sits back down. “Okay. Carry on then.”
“Just because I let him do”—I glance to Monty then back at Allie—“things to me, that doesn’t mean I’m ready for sex.”
“Aren’t you though? It’s beenagesfor you.”
“My body is saying to bang the crap out of him, but my heart? That’s the part that’s scared.”
“And with good reason.” Allie nods. “Okay, I get it, but…you’ve been doing the no-strings-attached thing for years. Why not give that a shot with Slug?”
“Ew. His name is Slug?” Monty chimes in.
“No, it’s a nickname. We don’t dare speak his real name,” Allie tells her.
I still remember the grit of his teeth the first time I called him Slug because he knew exactly what it meant—that I hated him. It didn’t matter that deep down we both knew I could never truly hate him; the intent was the same.
Now, though, I couldn’t call him Slug even if I tried.
“Denny?” Allie prompts me.
“I…”
I’m not sure I can do that with Shep. He’s more than a no-strings commitment. He always has been, and we both know it. Hell, even Allie knows that.
If I sleep with Shep, I’ll be handing him my heart on a silver platter to do with as he pleases.
I just have to hope he doesn’t destroy it again.
“I’m just going to say something here, and I could be totally off base, but I could be right. I have a feeling I’m right because of twintuition and all that.”
“Are you going to spit it out anytime soon?” Allie presses.
“Sorry,” Monty mumbles. “Anyway, I think since you’ve hidden this Slug guy for so many years—I mean, almost nobody knows about him—you had a reason for doing so. You care for him, a lot more than you’re willing to admit to others and to yourself, and that’s totally fine. I just think there’s a reason you haven’t jumped into the sack with him yet. He means more.Itwill mean more. Therefore, you can’t just do the no-strings-attached thing.”
“That is literally what was just running through my mind,” I say quietly, stunned.
Monty sits there looking quite proud of herself.
“Is that true, Denny? You’re still into him like that?”
I glance to Allie, worrying my lip between my teeth, and give her a short nod.
“Ha!” She pumps her fist into the air, dancing around like she just won the lottery. “AJ totally owes me twenty bucks!”
“What the hell, Allie!”
She stops her dancing, her breathing erratic because my best friend is a spaz. “What? We knew you two were still into each other. Did you know he called AJ the other day to talk about it? Did you also know Penny was supposed to be his date to all these events but he canceled on her so he could invite you instead? You two are inlove.” She draws the word out, making kissing noises at the phone. “L-O-V-E!”
She starts crooning Nat King Cole, and I so desperately want to push that little red button and shut her up.
I don’t hate Shep anymore.
But I don’t still love him either.
That’s not possible…right?
“Allie!”
“Oh my gosh, I was trying to sing for you, you brat!”
