Me: Maybe I should be mad now if you’re eating my friend’s cupcake.
Zach: I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat another cupcake again without thinking of your sweet, sweet…
Me: DON’T SAY IT!
Zach: Say what? I was going to say smile.
Me: You were going to say pussy because you’re a disgusting man and want to ruin cupcakes for me forever.
Zach: I was totally going to say pussy, but it’s still true.
Zach: Hey, Delia?
Me: Yeah…
Zach: Pussy.
Me: I’ll show you pussy…
Zach: Finally! We’re sexting!
Me: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT
Zach: That is the last thing I had in mind.
Zach: Also, that kitten is adorable.
Me: Right? Do you think Marshy would mesh well with a cat?
Zach: I am not buying a cat, Delia.
Me: We’ll see.
Zach: It’s not happening. Get it out of your head RIGHT NOW.
Me: Like I said, Zach, WE’LL SEE. WINK.
Zach: Don’t you wink at me.
Zach: Delia…
Zach: DELIA!
Zach: Goddammit. I’m getting a cat, aren’t I?
Me: WINK.
Zach: How’d your tests go?
Zach: Also, I just realized we still text versus talking on the phone. Is that weird?
Me: I think it’s a good thing to keep the roots of our relationship strong. Besides, I can say weird shit to you via text that I don’t feel comfortable saying otherwise.
Me: Like one time I believed goose and geese were two different animals. Spoiler alert: they’re not.
Zach: How did you make it to college? As a senior?
Me: The world will never know.
