Me: Is your brother hot? Nicer than you? I bet he doesn’t wear Harry Potter panties.
Zach: Excuse me, I am a stud AND I’m nice. He’s a total ladies’ man, blond, boy-next-door type shit. And he’s a complete asshole.
Me: Is he really?
Zach: No, but I’m not about to talk him up when I can talk about me.
Me: Your confidence knows no bounds. I thought nerds were supposed to be all shy and insecure.
Zach: I told you, I’m a different breed, baby. ;-)
Me: Are you done?
Zach: Nope.
Zach: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT
Zach: A picture of me to keep you occupied.
Me: You have approximately sixty chins in this photo. How will a blob face keep me occupied?
Me: OMG. Do you think I’m putting THAT in my spank bank?!
Me: Because I am. Off to diddle myself. Toodles!
Zach: See, this is when you take a sexy picture and send it to me for MY spank bank.
Zach: Be a team player, Delia.
Me: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT
Zach: Why do you think I have a foot fetish?
Me: You don’t? I assumed all men did. I always have creepers asking for pics on IG and FB.
Zach: I most definitely do not have any sexual attraction toward your feet.
Me: So you’re saying my feet are ugly. Gotcha.
Zach: I didn’t say that. For feet, they’re cute.
Me: But you don’t want to fuck ’em?
Zach: I’ve backed myself into a corner here, huh?
Me: Maybe, and I’ll keep this going alllllll night long. Crazy is my specialty.
Zach: Don’t I know it.
Zach: I just ate the BEST pizza of my entire life.
Me: Why do you tease me with such things?
Zach: I could bring you here on our date Thursday, but I have somewhere else to take you. Maybe our fourth date can be pizza.
Me: Oh, so you think you’ll be lucky enough to score a fourth date with me?
Zach: Well, yeah. After you have a taste of my skills in bed, there’s no way you’ll pass up a fourth date with me.
