Me: Told you I’d win. ;-)
Zach: Yeah, yeah. Hush.
Zach: This baby goat will not stop shitting.
Me: Yeah…goats do that.
Zach: He also keeps trying to eat my pants.
Me: Take them off.
Me: WAIT. That was pervy.
Zach: Are we FINALLY going to sext?
Me: Yes. But first, send me a picture of Marshmallow. I miss him.
Zach: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT
Me: Is that…your face?
Zach: Um…one-fourth of it.
Zach: Holy shit. I just realized we have never seen one another. Like, at all.
Me: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT
Me: There, we’re even.
Zach: Wow. Your brow is so sexy. Also, are those freckles I see?
Me: Yes…and that proves how hard you studied the photo. Creep.
Zach: What did you notice on mine? Don’t lie.
Me: You have bushy eyebrows.
Me: Which I find sexy.
Me: OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE I SENT THAT!
Zach: I think your freckles are sexy.
Me: You’re only saying that because I said your eyebrows are sexy. Don’t be that guy.
Zach: The guy who gives out genuine compliments?
Me: No, the guy who says polite things when he doesn’t mean them. Like when an old lady is all, “Oh wow, I love your smile.” And you’re like, “Thanks, I love your perfume.” And then you’ve just lied because literally nobody likes the smell of old lady perfume.
Zach: I bet if you were an old lady, I’d like your perfume.
Me: Stop. It.
Me: But yeah, I bet you would. ;-)
Zach: You are so incredibly full of yourself. Well, except for when I genuinely try to compliment you on your freckles. Then you’re just a complete shithead.
Me: Did you just call me a shithead?
