***
The morning sun peekingthrough the windows brought Jax the clarity he needed.
Slowly waking, he found himself gazing at Niall's sleeping form. A rush of love swept over him. It had been a rough night, but he was grateful they hadn’t parted in anger. Jax brushed his nose to Niall’s. Niall leaned forward and kissed the beta pride tattoo on Jax’s chest, letting his lips linger on the B.
Jax pulled away.
“Sorry,” Niall mumbled.
“No. I only wanted to do this.” Jax moved his hand to the back of Niall’s head, guiding it forward until their mouths touched. Niall kissed him back, hesitant at first, then with more urgency. Eventually, Jax ended the kiss and pressed their foreheads together.
“That was a surprise,” Niall rasped. “A good one. I thought maybe I’d wake up and your side of the bed would be cold.”
“You don’t need to quit,” Jax replied abruptly. “Maybe I’m the dumbest mothereffer in the state for saying that, but I can’t be the reason you leave that job. I know how much it means to you, especially because of your parents.”
“I didn’t want to bring that up last night, but you’re not wrong.”
“You’re not the first man to have an ex—sorry, exes—in his orbit, and certainly not the first to have complicated feelings. But if I can’t trust you, if I don’t have faith in how amazing these last eight months have been, then what’s the point of being together?”
“You can trust me. I promise.”
Jax gazed at Niall, trying to formulate into words the revelations that came to him overnight as he’d lain awake. Once the hurt and anger passed, he’d been left with the essentials ofthe situation. His boyfriend was poly and would probably always feel a connection to his exes, but was also doing his level best to ensure Jax was his future.
“I know you believe that, when you say it—”
“It’s true,” Niall insisted.
Jax put a finger on Niall’s lips. “Like I said, I know you believe that. But what I figured out is that we need to stop pretending we can make those kinds of promises. The reason I’m not asking you to quit your job, or to change our relationship, is that we don’t know how we’re going to feel tomorrow. No one does. You said it best. You’ve had your own recent revelations that changed your understanding of yourself.”
Niall nodded. “I never want to hurt you,” he whispered.
“And I doubt you ever will, not intentionally,” Jax said. “But this is…complex, to say the least. It’s a good start that you know your own mind, and that you’ve let me in on what you’re feeling, but what I can accept today, not to mention what you can live with, might not always stay the same.”
“So, we’re staying together, and you understand my feelings, and I don’t have to quit my job, but with, like, an asterisk?”
“I think that’s the best I can offer you. In fairness, I think that’s the best anyone can offer anyone.” Jax pulled Niall to him, their long beta bodies aligned. “What I know is, letting you go over something thatmighthappen feels premature. You said last night that you love me—”
“I do.”
Jax brushed his fingers through Niall’s hair. “I love you, too. I’m trusting you to keep your word to always be honest. All the rest of it—fidelity, exclusivity, monogamy—those are promises you can’t make.”
“I can,” Niall hushed out.
“No, Nigh, you can’t. But you can do the honesty. You let me know if something in your heart changes, okay?”
Jax got out of bed and stretched his arms above his head, at peace with his decision. Niall stayed tangled up in the sheets, looking less sure.
“Thank you for trusting me,” Niall said after a minute. “We’re going to be okay.” It was as much a question as a statement.
“I really hope so. In the meantime, I’ll let my bosses know I’m happy to accept the Hampson Towers assignment.”
“Okay.”
“And there is one thing you can do for me.”
“Name it.”
“Move in. We’re obviously in this. If I have to be away, I want to picture you in my bed, our bed. Waiting for me. I want to know we’ve made that commitment.”
