Ethan
It was a solemn procession that walked to the firepit where the first annual Firelight Ritual was being held. Clutched in Lena’s hand was the pale blue ribbon, the last remnant of her time with Daniel. I walked on one side of her, a silent sentinel watching over her, while her new friend and temporary roommate, Carrie, walked on her other, and to Carrie’s left, Andy, her fiancé held her hand in his
Andy and I knew of each other as our businesses ran in similar circles. They were leaving the Ranch the next day, to live their happily-ever-after. I was praying that mine and Lena’s outcome would be the same.
The sky glowed in bands of deep orange and violet in the evening dusk. Before and behind us, Dom’s, switches, subs, and staff marched to the open-air ceremony where together we would release tokens from our pasts. Releasing what no longer served us into the flames. There was no drama, shouting or spectacle, just silence interrupted by the quiet rustle of flames.
Lena had chosen to walk barefoot in the cool grass. She wore a pale green dress, and her shoulders were wrapped in a soft shawl against the evening chill. The silk ribbon was crumpled in her hand, its frayed edges hung loose in her grasp. A relic of someone she no longer recognized.
Last night had ended differently than I had originally thought, but better than I’d hoped. While the relic she carried no longer represented her, Lena did remember the girl who wore it. I’d watched in awe as her metamorphosis took place last night. After our scene and much aftercare, she’d agreed to spend the night with me. We’d stayed up late talking about the changes taking place inside her and her emotions during our session.
She had shared her thoughts on submission and that it had always meant being perfect. Being useful. Being small enough to love safely. It had never dawned on her that it could mean being seen. I had assured her that I wanted her real. She admitted that my voice, the rope, and the blindfold had broken her open. When I’d saideven messy I want youithad not only turned her on but had cracked open her heart. Seeing her now, here, ready to let go of the one last thing tethering her to an old life made me so proud.
She smiled and took my hand in her free one. “I let go last night. Not because I had to, but because I could. That was everything.”
I held her close doing gentle sweeps up and down her back. “I know, Lena, and I’m so very proud of you.”
She pulled back, unshed tears making her eyes luminescent in the light being cast by the fire. “Thank you,” she said simply.
Sam Denten and his wife, Catherine, were a team of therapists/psychologists who lived on Rawhide Ridge and worked with residents of the Ranch. Sam gave an eloquent, heartfelt speech about bravery and how taking steps to let go was the beginning of a new life.
There were many sniffles, and eyes being dabbed. I felt a gratefulness I wasn’t familiar with moving through me. Its cousin, victory, had a very different feeling that I was far too familiar with and came with a win, obviously.
In the business world I’d given myself over to the game of going in for the kill. Skilled control in action. Being at Rawhide had allowed me to let go of the control and see where I needed balance. It had become a mindfulness practice for me in my time here, and one I planned on continuing once I was home.
One by one, people stepped forward and placed their tokens in the fire–old collars, journal pages, letters, photographs. Each offering was quiet, sacred.
When Lena’s turn came, she looked down at the ribbon curled tight in her fist. She raised it to her lips, an act of forgiveness for the girl who wore it.
“You were how I survived,” she whispered, “but I don’t need you anymore.” She tossed the ribbon into the flames. It sizzled for a brief moment, then disappeared into orange light.
I waited patiently while Lena gazed into the flames, seeing what I didn’t know. She wasn’t crying and held herself still.
I had stepped a few steps back to give her space and leaned against a tree watching, waiting. When she finally turned around, her gaze found mine and she was in my embrace in seconds. I could feel her heart hammering in her chest. It had been a difficult process, but I was here to support her and help her through the flames.
“You let me choose.” Her words are slightly muffled by her mouth pressing into my chest, but I heard her.
“Always,” I murmured back.
“I want more, Ethan, with you.”
These were the words I’d been wanting to hear. I smiled against her hair. “So do I.” I thought of the soft leather in my pocket, engravings burnt into the leather. A deer and a wolf onthe front, at the back where the clasp was located, once closed, formed the shape of a heart. I wanted to put it on her and ask her to be mine forever, but not here.
“We still have last night's food and dessert; would you like to come home with me and we can discuss what the more shall look like?”
She smiled up at me. “Yes, please, Sir.”
“Ethan, sweet girl. We don’t need protocol between us when we are just being together, but don’t you worry. I have all kinds of things planned for you where Sir, or Master, will be absolutely required.”
Andy and Carrie stepped through a cluster of people, hand in hand. “We’re heading out early tomorrow and I wanted to say goodbye.” The ladies embraced, while Andy and I shook hands. “I hope you’ll come visit me at my new home in Seattle.”
“Broadmore, specifically,” Andy added.
I grinned. “Madison Park, we’re practically neighbors. I’m sure we’ll see you soon. Lena and I still have a few things to work out.”
Lena blushed. We said our farewells and walked silently back to my cabin, each of us lost in our own thoughts. I’d been holding Lena’s hand and now I pulled her into a hug. “I’ve got something I can’t wait another minute to do.”
“Oh?” She smiled. “And what is that?”
