Their footsteps thundered through the living room and up the stairs until their doors closed, the sound traveling down the empty stairwell.
I wondered if my mother was sleeping, if she even knew I was home. Hell, did she even care? Could she ever?
My father and I were alone now. I held tight to my bags, if only to keep from hitting him once before storming out the door to … I didn’t know … find somewhere to stay, or maybe I’d just leave altogether, once and for all.
“Don’t forget our deal,” Dad said in a hushed voice. “I have held up my end of the bargain. We have lived a very quiet,happylife these last few months.”
As far as I knew, that was true. Ricky had sent letters with his reports. My sisters hadn’t complained about our father once in the time I was away, which led me to assume they were either lying or he really had been, at the least, decent. And that only raised the question of, had my presence been truly to blame for how insufferable he was the rest of the time?
God, and if that were the case, what the hell had I ever done to him?
Dad tipped his head, a challenge gleaming in his eyes. “You wouldn’t want to ruin that, would you?”
A chuckle pushed through my nose as I shook my head. “Why the hell do you hate me so much, Dad?”
“I asked you a question,” he replied.
“Answer mine first.”
“Don’t test me, Maxwell. I am learning to be a better father to them; I amtrying. Did you know Grace has a little boyfriend now?”
That gave me pause. No, I hadn’t known. Grace certainly hadn’t told me, and neither had Lucy nor Ricky.
“She goes on dates. He comes here for dinner on Sundays. She’shappy. Lucy too. But if you walk back in here and ruin everything again, I will stand here before God and swear I will make their lives a living fucking hell. Do you understand me? And that will not be on me. No. That will beyourfault,” he spit, jabbing a finger at my chest for effect. “Just as it’s always been.”
My heart crashed violently inside my chest, rattling off my bones and vibrating all the way through to my fingertips. I could hear my blood whooshing past my eardrums, red hot and fueled by rage. I wanted to call his bluff, insist he couldn’t be that evil, but then I remembered Smoky. I remembered that my father was, above all else, a man of his word. He was driven, ambitious, and when he put his mind to something, he did it. And if he said he was capable of being a good father to my sisters in my absence, then damn me straight to hell because I fuckingbelievedhim.
And I believed he would also quit cold turkey if I stepped out of line and dared to infiltrate this little bubble he’d somehow created while I was gone.
“Do I make myself clear, boy?” he asked, his voice a menacing growl that still managed to make me flinch, even after months of being berated and damn near tortured by military superiors.
I stared into his eyes. I imagined it was a lot like staring down the barrel of a gun. I acknowledged that could be my reality one day, and I wondered if I’d feel as threatened then as I did right now, looking into my father’s distant, threatening gaze. Because there was little emotionbetween soldiers at war, but this transaction between my father and me …
This waspersonal.
I hate you, I thought, wishing I had the balls to say it out loud.I hate you so much more than you could ever hate me.
But even as those words cycled through my head over and over and over on an endless loop, I still managed to stare into his eyes and mutter a heartless, “Yes, sir,” before turning and walking out the door.
***
“Thanks for letting me stay, Mrs. Tomson,” I said with a grateful smile.
“Oh, please, Max,” she replied, sitting down at the table to join us for dinner. “You know you’re always welcome here.”
It had taken all of eleven minutes to walk the four blocks to Ricky’s house, but in my state of exhaustion, those eleven minutes felt like an eternity. Once I’d trudged through his front door, I had collapsed on the couch and passed out for seven hours before being woken up by the smell of beef stew wafting through the house.
“Your dad is a real piece of shit,” Ricky grumbled from beside me.
It was only the fourth time he’d reminded me since I had arrived that morning, and it was the fourth time I didn’t bother to reply. Because it didn’t matter what he or I thought about him and his methods. The man would still be my father, and there was nothing I could do about that.
“It’s my blood in your veins, boy.”
“So, you went through training, right? What happens next?” Ricky’s mom said, changing the subject.
I cleared my throat and readjusted the napkin on my lap as I said, “Um, well, I just finished basic training. Next, I’m going back to South Carolina for what’s called Advanced Individual Training.”
“Oh,” she replied, sounding impressed. “What do you do there?”
