“Ihave never gotten breakfast in bed before,” I said, hating how often I comparedhim to my previous relationship, while knowing it was impossible not to. Theywere just too stark in contrast, and the wounds from the past were still sofresh.
“Well,don’t get used to it,” he laughed. “I’m not usually a morning person.”
“Oh,no?”
Heshook his head. “Nah. Night owl all the way.”
“Me,too,” I replied with a grin. Then, narrowing my eyes with curiosity and liftingthe glass of juice, I asked, “So, why are you up, then?”
“Yourphone was ringing earlier, and I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I …”
Beforehe had finished his sentence, I stopped listening and reached for my phone, tocheck my messages. I had trained myself to listen intently for the phone, evenin sleep, just in case the NICU called, even though it happened soinfrequently. It figured that, on the day Iactually allowedmyself a moment to relax and sleep in, I had missed their call.
“Oh,my God. I’m a terrible mother,” I groaned, dialing thenumberand trying not to worry.
“You’renot,” Goose insisted, sitting besidemeand runninghis fingers through my hair.
“Yes,I am,” I disputed, as someone on the other line answered the phone.
“Neonatalintensive care unit, this is Cheryl. How can I help you?”
“Uh,yes, h-hi. I got a call from you earlier. I’m just checking to make sureeverything is okay. My son is Alexander Wright.”
“Okay,Mama. Just give me a second to transfer you to his nurse.”
Inthe moments it took for the call to be transferred, I imagined every horribleexplanation for why they could be calling. He relapsed, he was sick, he wasdying …
Ormaybe he died.
Thethought weaseled itself into my psyche and I scrubbed a hand over my face,hating myself for even thinking of that word, and superstitiously believing Icould think it into reality. Tears filled my eyes, and I took a deep breath, asI prayed to whoever would listen that he was anything but gone.
“Everythingokay?” Goose asked, and I opened my mouth to reply, when the call was answeredby another nurse.
“Hi,Mama. I’m not sure we’ve met, but I’m Samantha, and I have your little mantoday.”
“Hi,y-yeah, I think we might have met.”
“Oh,okay! Well,first of all, Alexander is doing justfine.”
“Oh,thank God,” I said, releasing a sigh of relief that left my lungs empty.
Samanthalaughed. “I know, I’m sorry. It’s always scary when we call. I just wanted togive you a heads up and tell you that we had to put your little guy back on theCPAP. Just so you aren’t surprised when you come in.”
Iswallowed, reminding myself that none of the scary things had happened and thathe was okay. He was safe. But the disheartening disappointment of a setback wasso heavy on my heart, that my shoulders slumped a little under the weight.
“Oh,”I said quietly. “Okay.”
“Ithappens sometimes, youknow?We try something for alittle while and then we find that they’re just not ready for it yet. He willbe, though, I promise. He just needs a little more time.”
“Right,”I replied, nodding. “Of course.”
“Don’tworry, Mama. He’ll get there.”
“Iknow,” I said hurriedly, ignoring Goose, watching intently by my side.
“Havea great day. We’ll see you later.”
“Okay.Bye.”
