Chapter Thirty
“No,no, no. You are not getting up right now,” Goose protested, reaching out withboth hands to stop me from leaving the couch.
“Asmuch as I would love to make out with you for hours, I really need to pumpbefore my boobs explode,” I said, swatting his hands away to make myselfcomfortable in my chair.
Hesighed and stood up, straightening his shirt. “I guess it’s fine,” he muttered,feigning hurt. Then, he added, “Ihave toget to work,anyway.Gottado that adult thing. But youwannahang out tonight, or do you have work to do?”
“Well,Idohave work to do, but I wouldn’t mind hanging out, too,” I replied,unclipping mybraand securing the flanges to my poor,battered boobs.
“Soundsgood to me.” He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. “I’ll come by afterclosing and grab a pizza downstairs.”
“Manafter my own heart.”
Gooseruffled the fur on Mrs. Potter’s head and left with a promise to text me oncehe was at the bar. I sat back, letting the pump do its work, and sighed with therevelation that I was in a good, honest relationship with a man who liked totake the time to text me, just to let me know he got to work in one piece. Itwas so nice to have something to smile about, while the fear of my baby’suncertain future was still very much alive in my heart.
***
“Hey,”Goose greeted me, kissing my cheek before hurrying into the kitchen with the pizzabox. “Sorry I was late. Krystal came by and wanted to talk about a meeting withHannah’s teachers.”
“Everythingokay?” I asked, closing my laptop to get ready for dinner.
“Well,not really,” he replied, as he carried two plates holding slices of pepperonipizza. “She’s failing science and math. And she’s dangerously close to failingEnglish, too, which doesn’t make any sense whatsoever to me. The kid isobsessed with reading and writing. I mean, she’s never been great at science ormath, so that doesn’t surprise me too much, but English?” He shook his head ashe sat down beside me. “I don’t get it.”
“Haveyou talked to her about it?”
Hebit into a slice and looked toward the pendant light hanging over the table.“Not yet. Krystal’sgonnatry tonight. I’m hopingshe’ll get through to her right off the bat, so we don’t have to play good cop,bad cop. I really hate that shit.”
Then,he looked at me and asked, “How’s Alex doing today?”
Igrinned. “Well, today, I walked in there and Debbie was really excited. So, Iwent over to hisisoletteto find that he’s off theCPAP.” My voice rose an octave, unable to contain my excitement and joy. Mysmile strained my cheeks, and tears stung my eyes. “I am just onfreakin’ cloud nine right now. He has completely surpassedevery one of our expectations.” Then, not wanting to be too excited, I shook myhead and added, “I mean, I know the reality of the situation. I know thingscould turn around so quickly, but …” I shrugged, grinning wider. “Right now, itjust feels so good that he’s doing so well.”
Goosewatched me, with a grin spreading in slow motion across his face. Then, hesaid, “You know, when you first walked into my bar, I thought, wow, that chickis beautiful, but you also looked so … Idunno,defeated, I guess. Like, life had kicked you around a little and you were justsick of dealing with it. And I remember how unsure and scared you were abouthaving a baby, and how weak you thought you were. But now, I can honestly say,you are the strongest woman I’ve ever known, and you have never looked morebeautiful than when you talk about him.”
Thedeclaration wasunexpectedand my mouth slowed in itschewing until it had stopped altogether. Words like that were spoken in lovestories, in romance novels that were so meticulously crafted to woo the readerand make them fall in love with the hero. Even though I wrote stories likethat, I had always thought it was unrealistic to expect a man in the real worldto ever speak like that to anyone, let alone to me. ButthereGoose was, proving me wrong. Again.
“What?”he asked, laughing easily, as he bit into his pizza.
“Idon’t know how you justsaythat stuff,” I confessed.
“Isay it because it’s true,” he replied, shrugging like it wasn’t a big deal.
“Butnobody has ever talked to me like that before.”
“Then,I guess nobody has ever fallen in love with you before.”
Iwasn’t sure that I had heard him through the nonchalance, so I asked him torepeat himself. He chuckled and replied, “Isaid, I guess nobody hasever fallen in love with you before.”
“Areyou saying …” I swallowed and squeezed my eyes shut. “Are you saying youloveme?”
“Yeah,”he nodded, “I am.”
“Wow.”
Itwas such a stupid thing to say, and I couldn’t understand why I had said it, orwhy I behaved so awkwardly throughout the rest of our dinner. It shouldn’t havebeen a surprise, given the progression of our friendship, and thenrelationship, over the past several months. Yet, it was. A lot of things irkedme about the moment, much like the time when he had first kissed me. Butnothing bothered me more than the fact that I hadn’t said it back.
Wecleaned up in an almost comfortable silence, as I thought about the past sevenand a half months of my life, and of how many things had changed and everythingI had been through. It was a lot for anyone to process and keeping up with itall had been a challenge. But even though I had been there, enjoying ourrelationship and where it had got to, I never once stopped to think about howhis feelings—or mine—had changed with it. And although I knew the truth wasthat I loved him, too, and just hadn’t taken a moment to realize it, it feltlike a cop out. I knew Goose would understand, but that didn’t stop me fromfeeling awful.
Later on, as he grabbed hisjacket and announced he had to get back home to feed Tony, I knew I couldn’tjust let him leave. Not when there was somuchIhadn’t said or done. There was too much hanging in the air, and when I told himto wait, he did.
