“Touché,”I laughed, fitting the key into thelockand openingthe door. “Well, he’s off the ventilator. So, that’s his big news of the day.”
“Thatisbig news!”
“Yeah,”I agreed with pride. “And I got to hold him.”
“Oh,finally!” she exclaimed happily. “That’s amazing, honey. I’m so thrilled.”
“Right?They say he’s progressing leaps and bounds above what they had expected. Imean, I’ve seen other babies in there, born intovery similarsituations, and they aren’t doing nearly as well as him. Honestly, it makes me feela little guilty to have him doing so well, when others are struggling.”
“Youshouldn’t feel guilty, and you shouldn’t be comparing,” Mom replied sternly.“It’s not a race. All you can hope for is that every one of those babies getsbetter and gets to go home, but that they take as long as they need to getthere.”
“No,I know.”
“Andremember, Elle told you that things can be very unpredictable. They can—”
“Iknow,” I said, cutting her off abruptly. “Believe me, Mom; I’m more than awareof everything that can go wrong.”
“Obviously,everyone is hoping for the best.”
“Iknow,” I replied softly, as I nodded.
“Youknow, I was actually talking to Mary at the drugstore. She was telling me thather grandson was born three months early, too. But now, he’savery healthytwelve-year-old. You’d never know how he started.”
“Wow,that’s great,” I muttered, kicking off my shoes and walking into the livingroom to sit on the couch.
Inthe weeks since Alexander had been born, I had heard it all from everyone. Allthe success stories. All the worries and fears. And I was sick of it all. I washappy for the babies who made it, and I was sad for the ones who hadn’t, butnone of them weremybaby. And nobody was more aware of what could gowrong than me.
“Anyway,let’s just hope for the best,” Mom said, and I gritted my teeth, knowing shemeant well. “Your dad and I were thinking today …”
“About?”I persuaded, putting her on speakerphone and taking off my shirt and bra.
Thewhole breast pumping thing still wasn’t going quite as planned, and I knew forsure I wasn’t making nearly enough milk, especially now that Alex was drinkingmore every feeding and they were supplementing with formula. Nothing I wasdoing was working, no matter how hard I tried. But after talking to Krystal, Ihadmade a decisionto pump whatever I could for himduring the time he was in the hospital, with hopes that things might changeonce he came home. And if not, so be it. At least I could say I tried, and thathad to be good enough.
“Well,we were talking about the future, and we started thinking that, maybe afterAlex comes home, you could move back home for a while.”
Ifitted the flanges over my nipples and turned the pump on as I gawked at thephone. “Seriously?”
“Imean, your room is still there, and there’s the guest room right next to it.That could be turned into a nursery, no problem.”
Istared at the hypnotic motion of my nipples as I recalled the reason why I hadmoved into the city in the first place. It had been Brendan and my feebleattempt at turning our relationship into something it was never going to be. Ihad never loved living here, but now, I had Goose, and while it never sat wellwith me to stay here for Brendan, staying for Goose almost felt right.
Butit wasn’t only me I had to think about now. I had the baby, and even though hisdoctors and nurses were here, my parents weren’t. I would need to think anddecide what was truly the best for both of us, and that wasn’t a decision Icould make right now. Not when I was too busy playing the role of dairy cow.
“Igottathink about it, Mom,” I replied honestly. “I doappreciate it, though.”
“Oh,I know there’s a lot to consider. But just remember the offer is there and itisn’t going away. We are always here for you, honey. Whatever you need,whenever you want it, we’re here.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Fordays, I thought long and hard about my mother’s proposition. The more Iconsidered it, the more appealing it was, to be around the people who wouldhelp me in the middle of the night, when the baby wouldn’t stop crying and Idesperately needed a break. It hurt me to think about leaving the man my heartwas growing fonder of by the day, but I couldn’t ignore the fact that I hadalready stayed in the city for a man before. I was beginning to wonder howvalid that reason really was, especially without any promise of commitment.
Still,I was enjoying my time with Goose, and I was enjoying the progression of ourrelationship even more. He had a way of making me smile on the days when Ididn’t want to smile at all, and I never stopped loving the way I could makehim laugh.
“Agirl named Kenny walks into a bar,” he said, as I approached the richmahoganyI had grown so fond of over the months since we’dmet. “What’ll it be, girlfriend?”
Ispotted Hannah, sulking at the far end, her nose glued to her phone. “Well,” Isaid, bringing my eyes back to his, “I was thinking dinner and a movie at myplace, but I don’t want to get in the middle of your daddy-daughter time.”
Henodded, turning his gaze on his daughter. “Krystal had a date tonight, soHannah’s mine until tomorrow.”
