“Itwould have been a thick, sticky discharge,” she explained. “It could'vehappened over time, or all at once.”
“Imean, I've had discharge, but I thought that was normal …”
Oneof the nurses abruptly announced, “BP is one-eighty over ninety.”
Hurriedly,Dr. Gellar turned to a nurse and asked, “Do we have a room ready?”
“Yeah,we do.”
“Okay,”she answered. Then, she looked back at me, and without a smile on her face, shesaid, “Okay, Kendall, you're having your baby tonight.”
“What?”I was too stunned to stammer, too shocked for it to register exactly what itwas she had said.
“Yourbaby doesn't have the fluid he needs to survive in your uterus anymore, andyour body is in a great amount of distress. He needs to come out as soon aspossible, to give you both a fighting chance. So, we're going to be taking youto the operating room, to perform an emergency C-section, and we’re doing itright now. Do you have anybody here with you?”
I’monly twenty-seven weeks pregnant. The baby is too little. He’s going to die, mybrain frantically reminded me, as I said, “Uh … um … my friend, he's in thewaiting room, but um, I—”
“Someonegotell him what's going on, right now!” Dr. Gellarshouted into the room, then said to a nurse, “Prepare her for surgery.”
Then,ofall ofthe things I could've thought to say, ofeverything I could've plucked from that last ten minutes of chaos, I lookeddown at my wrist and said to nobody in particular, “My watch. I'm, I’m stillwearing my watch.”
Onenurse smiled reassuringly and said, “That's okay. We’ll just take that off.”
“I'm-I'msorry,” I found myself saying, stunned and unable to feel my own mouth as itmoved. “I didn't realize I'd have to. I just, I just thought …”
“It'sfine, honey,” she replied kindly, helping me to remove my watch, the devicethat had once alerted me to the racing of my heart. “And let's just get theseearrings out, too, okay?”
Handswere on my ears, undoing my earrings and dropping them into a plastic cup. Andall I could do was lay there, staring at my belly and wondering what the hellhad happened. Things were going so well. The pregnancy had been relativelyhealthy, hadn’t it? I knew I had the issues with my heart rate and sensitivityto heat, but all things considered, that wasn’t too bad. So, what had happenedto put me here and in this position? Could I have done anything to avoid it?
Amother is supposed to protect her children, and I had already failed minebefore he was even born.
“Kenny?”Goose approached the bed hesitantly, as if he felt he shouldn’t have beenthere. “What the hell is going on?”
Themoment I sawhimand the concern written plainly onhis face, tears filled my eyes for the first time since entering the hospital.“They’re taking the baby.”
Hisface paled, his jaw dropped, and his eyes widened with shock and fear. “Wait,what?”
“Th-Theysaid he n-n-needs to come out,” I said, my voice shaking, as if I was freezingin this room that felt too hot.
Gooselaid a hand over his mouth and I watched with a warm, terrified heart as hiseyes flooded. “Oh, God, Kenny …”
“I’mfucking scared,” I confessed, as the army of nurses unlocked the bed wheels andgot everything ready for transport. “I don’t want to do this. I don’t want tofucking do this.”
“Kenny.What do you need me to do?” he asked, as they began to wheel me out of theroom.
“Callmy parents. Call Brendan,” I called to him, desperate to catch one more glimpseof his face. “Tell them what’s happening!”
“Okay,”he replied, his voice quivering. “I’mgonnabe righthere when you get out! You got this, Kenny! You got this!”
Theywheeled me down a hall and into a brightly lit room. As Iwasinstructed me to shift from the bed to the operating table, with my shiveringarms and legs, I repeated those words to myself. Hoping desperately that Iwould believe them, as they maneuvered my body as if I were a doll, sat me up,exposed my back, and administered the stinging epidural into the base of myspine.
Yougot this, you got this, you got this…
Chapter Twenty-One
“Idon’t like this. God, I don’t like the way this feels.”
“You’reokay, Kendall. You’re doing great.”
