“Whatare you doing?”
“Nothing.Go back to sleep.”
“Yougoin’ on a trip?”
Ignorehim. Get to the door and leave.
“Mommy,where are we gonna go?”
“Youain’t goin’ nowhere! Now, go back to fuckin’ sleep!”
Hewas used to me yelling. He was used to me cursing. But I guess he wasn’t usedto me carrying suitcases through the living room and to the door, because heran for me, grabbed one of the bags, and pulled as hard as his little armswould allow.
“Don’tleave!”
Hewas crying and I panicked, not wanting him to wake his older brother and sisterin the next room.
“Vinnie,”I hissed. “Knock it offnow.”
“M-M-Mommy,don’t go! I w-wanna come!”
“You’regonna wake them up. I swear to God, if you wake them up …”
Go.Just go.
“Mommy!P-Please! I’m-I’m sorry.”
Don’tlisten. Just go.
“I-Iwon’t be sick no more. I won’t puke. I promise. I-I-I …”
Thelittle shit lied and vomited all over himself and the floor at his feet. I wastempted to clean it up, but I resisted. It wasn’t my problem. Not anymore.
“Goback to sleep, Vinnie,” I demanded, before opening the door and leaving, allwhile ignoring his little boy cries.
I’ma horrible person. I’m a horrible mother.
Yes.Yes, I am. And he’s a horrible husband.
Buthe’s a wonderful father, when he’s around, and they’re so much better offwithout me.
I’mdoing the right thing, for all of us.
Atleast I hope so.
CHAPTERONE
VINNIE
“Someonein this area, has lost someone. A prominent, female figure.” The bottle-blonde swepther hand in a circle, gesturing toward a cluster of tables that included ours.“A mother, a grandmother, a friend, or maybe even a boss.”
Iwatched in silent scrutiny as residents of neighboring tables eyed each otherwith questions and accusations. Nobody wanted to own it or speak up. Eventhough they were all there for the same reason—they all wanted closure andaffirmation. Whispered voices hit me from all directions and from the corner ofmy eye, I saw my brother nudge his husband in the ribs, then heard him whisper,“Your mom, man. Or what about Natalynn?”
“Nobodyhere has lost a grandmother? Or a close friend, or a, uh, a neighbor, maybe?”
Reluctantly,Greyson, my brother-in-law, raised his hand. “Um … my mom?” he answeredtimidly, his voice lilting as though he were asking a question.
ReginaMiller tapped the tips of her fingers together with satisfaction as she noddedand stepped toward our table. “Is she no longer with us?”
