Theywouldn’t let me walk out of the hospital. I insisted I was fine and rolled myeyes in protest as I sat in the wheelchair, but they weren’t hearing any of it.It was hospital policy or something like that. The nurse wheeled me out to therental car Dad had gotten specifically to drive us to the airport. I’dsuggested just getting a taxi or Uber, but they were insistent on renting acar.
“Whatif we need to stop along the way?” Dad had asked, and although he didn’t sayit, I knew what he meant: what if I needed to stop at a restroom? It wasn’tsomething I could just shut off. I couldn’twait.So, I’d left it at that and let him rent the damn car, all while thinking howfunny it was that a diagnosis suddenly made people think of things like that,whereas they never had before.
Luckily,I didn’t need to stop on the way to the airport, and we boarded the plane withno hiccups. Mama asked if I wanted the window seat and I shook my head.
“Youdon’twannalook out the window? You always likedlookin’ out the window.”
“I’llsit at the end,” I insisted, stuffing my backpack in the overhead compartment.
“Butwhy? Youalwaysliked the window whenyou were little.”
“Connie,don’t make him explain himself.” Dad shushed her with a glare. “If he doesn’twannasit by the damn window, he doesn’t have to.”
Dadglanced toward me, a mingled embarrassment and apology in his eyes, as Islumped into the aisle seat and pulled out my phone.
Me:So, I think Mama’s in denial.
Molly:It’s new. It’ll get better.
Me:Yeah, maybe.
Thepilot gave us the instruction to turn off our phones, and I quickly tapped out:
Me:Gottago. Talk to you later.
***
BeforeI’d headed out on tour, my bedroom had felt like a temporary fixture in mylife. Like I’d move out soon and put this twin-sized bed behind me any day now.Like my childhood dresser would be replaced with something brand-new before Iknew it. But now, as I walked through the door a bachelor, I couldn’t shake thefeeling of being so undeniably relieved. It was as though I’d been tellingmyself it had to be temporary, because that’s what was expected of me, and nowI was being given the opportunity to be honest.
Iloved it here. Even while I wished for more privacy from my parents, this wasmy home, and I wasn’t sure anywhere else would’ve felt quite this comfortable.
“Ibet you’re exhausted,” Mama said, bustling through the room, fluffing mypillows, and pulling back the comforter. She grabbed my bag of dirty clothes.“I’ll just get your laundrygoin’—”
“Ican do my own laundry, Mama.”
“Oh,I know, baby. But I’m sure you justwannasleep for awhile, so I’ll just throw this stuff in the wash. No big deal.”
Withthe meds I was on, sleep wasactually harderandharder to find. “I can do it,” I insisted, needing something to spend my energyon.
“Iknow you can, baby.” She pinched my chin in her hand and pulled my face down.Her lips pressed to my cheek like I was an overgrown toddler. “Get some rest.”
Withthe door closed behind her, I huffed an angry sigh and dropped to the bed. God,I wasn’t supposed to be herenow. Amonth and a half into the tour, I was meant to be heading toward the south-eastregion of the United States. South Carolina, Georgia, Florida. I shouldn’t beback home in my bedroom, while my bandmatescontinued onwithout me.
Ipulled my phone out to text Molly.
Me:Hey, just got home.
Sheread the message, and I waited for those three little dots to pop up, toindicate that she was typing, but they never came. Instead, my phone lit upjust a few moments later with a call, and instantly, I found my smile.
“Howwas the flight?” she asked, making small talk.
“Oh,wonderful. Dad decided this time off isgonnado mesome good, like it’s afreakin’ vacation orsomethin’, and Mama damn near peed herself when I told themI’d broken up with Ali.”
Mollysnorted. “Did she tell you she didn’t like her much?”
“Oh,I got an earful,” I muttered around a chuckle, flopping back against mypillows. Then, my brows arched with interest. “Wait, you knew?”
“Um… yeah. Before we left, Mama and Connie came to my last show, and the two ofthem weregoin’ on about how much they didn’t likeher. I didn’t say anything to you‘cause—”
