“I’mnottryin’ to pretend to know what you’regoin’ through. And I’m notsayin’I don’t think you should’ve stayed with Ali, because God, she was so wrong foryou and you deserve so much better. But, after everything that’s gone on overthe past day, and after everything I’ve seen and heard, I know I’m barelykeepin’ myself together. I don’t understand how you can beso … socalm.”
Hepulled in a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, when the door opened.Startled, he faced a nurse bringing in a tray of food.
“ChadWilcox?”
“Uh,yep.” He nodded.
Shecame to the side of the bed and glanced at the hospital bracelet on his wrist.“Can you tell me your date of birth, please?” He recited the answer to thequestion he’d been asked a thousand times since being admitted. “Okiedokie. I got your chicken and rice here. We ran out ofJell-O though. So sorry about that.”
Hiseyes narrowed. “How the hell does a hospital run out ofJell-O?”
Sheshrugged apologetically. “So sorry,” she repeated, swinging the bedside trayover his lap and laying the covered dish down. “Enjoy.”
“Doubtful,”he grumbled under his breath as she exited the room. He lifted the lid off themeal and peered closely at it. “Molls?”
“Yeah?”
“Whatdo you think this is?” He pointed at a puddle of what looked like baby food.
“Betternot to think about it and just eat,” I mumbled as I plucked an olive from thepizza and popped it into my mouth.
Chadpushed his spoon into it. “This looks likesomethin’out ofThe Exorcist. You think my head’sgonnaspin if I eat it?”
Inearly choked. “Stop!”
“Ikindahate you right now,” he muttered, glaringsidelong at my pizza. Then, he asked, “Wannatrade?”
Laughing,I shook my head. “Hell. No. And you don’t like this cheese, remember?”
“Thatwas before I had to eat this,” he mumbled, but he still dipped his spoon intothe slop and took a hesitant bite. He worked his jaw slowly and a look ofsurprise blanketed his face. “Well,yaknow, it’s notthe greatest thing I’ve ever eaten, and I don’t know what the hell’s in it, butit’s not too bad.”
Weate in silence for a few painful moments. I wanted to resume the conversationfrom before. I wanted to know what he was about to say. Curiosity ate away atme as I ate my pizza, not tasting a thing while I imagined everything hecould’ve said. The things Iwishedhe’d say.
WhenI was finished eating and Chad was done picking at his food, I utilized therest of the space on his tray with my empty plate. I leaned back in my chairand found a position closest to being comfortable. With a full belly, thesensation of being exhausted now smacked me in the face, and my eyes droopedagainst my will.
“Youlook so uncomfortable.”
“I’mfine,” I insisted, and he scoffed.
“Oh,hey, Kettle. It’s me, Pot.”
“Huh?”
Hechuckled and shoved the tray away from the bed. “You’re alwaysyellin’ atmeforsayin’I’m fine when I’m not, and there you are,doin’ theexact same thing.” He inched over on the bed and pat the space beside him.“Come here.”
“No,it’s fine. You don’t have enough room for me.”
“Iwasn’taskin’. Come on.”
Witha begrudged sigh, I stood from the chair. Chad outstretched an arm, welcomingme to the bed, and I laid down, settling against his hospital gown. I studiedits checkered pattern, laying my hand against his chest and tracing the tinyboxes. The monotonous act allowed reality to settle firmly into me. This bed.This room. These machines, beeping and monitoring. The tubes hanging from hisarm. I closed my eyes and closed my hand around the fabric, hoping my brainwould stop and sleep would come for me. But it didn’t. Instead, I saw thebathroom floor at the concert venue. I saw him lying there, unconscious, andthen coming to. I saw the ambulance, the paramedics, the concerned faces offans.
He’dbeen so helpless and weak then. So embarrassed and ashamed, he wouldn’t meet myeye, wouldn’t admit the details of what was happening to him. But I knew and myheart broke for him that he’d made himself so closed off and humiliated over somethinghe couldn’t help.
Ipulled in a deep breath, and his arm wrapped around my shoulders. “Hey,” hesaid, his voice quiet and gruff. His cheek pressed to the top of my head.
“Huh?”
“What’swrong?”
