***
They wouldn’tlet me get up. I learned that’s what happens when you pass out. The emergencyoperator will insist that the patient doesn’t move until the paramedics arrive.Just in case.
Iwondered how much of my dignity I could lose in just one night. I was lying ona cold, dirty bathroom floor, no longer able to control the pain that wrackedthrough my body. Unable to controlanything. The blood. The few tearsthe dehydration allowed me to cry. I was powerless and weak, and through thewretchedness of it all, I thought about the humiliation of having an ambulancepull up to the concert venue.
Mollyfolded up her sweatshirt to put it under my head, and I could only sigh.
“Youdon’t have to wait in here,” I whispered, unable to look her in the eye.
“Shutup,” she croaked, trying desperately not to cry. “Yes, I do.”
Istared at the ceiling and the blinding fluorescent lights. “This is the mostembarrassin’ bullshit—”
“Stopit.”
“Butit is. You think I wantanybodyseein’ me like this, let alone,” my damn voice cracked, andI pulled in a deep breath, “let aloneyou?”
Inmy mind, I was meant to be the pillar of strength in her life, the one she hadleaned on when her father deserted her, and when she didn’t believe she wasdeserving of dreams, of being a star. That wasmyjob. She was never supposed to see me at my weakest, but here wewere, and I didn’t have any say in the matter.
“Wouldyou rather one of the other guys?” she offered softly, taking pity as she tookmy hand.
Iwished I could’ve said yes. I wished I could’ve told her to send in Sebastian,that I’d let him hold my hand. But I couldn’t bring myself to say it. This wasmy first time being truly scared for my life and this would be myfirst timeriding in an ambulance. Those were firsts Ineeded her there for.
So,instead of answering her question, I whispered a long awaited, “I’m sorry.”
“Chad,you havenothin’ to be sorry for. This isn’t yourfault. It’s—”
“Inever should’ve left you.”
Herlips parted and her hand squeezed mine. “None of that matters. It hasn’tmattered for a long time.” I heard what she said, but I still couldn’t clear mymind of it. All I could think about, as we waited on the bathroom floor, wasthat I had abandoned her when she needed me most. And here she was, nearlytwenty years later. Refusing to leave my side.
***
“God, what the fuck are theywearin’?” Brendon, one of the guys on my football team,snickered.
I followed his gaze across thecafeteria, to find he was looking at Molly and a girl she hung out withoccasionally, whose name I didn’t know. But they were on the Blue Team togetherand shared the common interest of wearing black clothes and heavy eyeliner.
“Hey!” Travis, another buddy,called to the girls. “Come here!”
“Come on,Trav,”I grumbled.
We were juniors, only a yearaway from graduation, and it’d been nearly two years sinceMollyand I had held any sort of conversation. Aside from seeing each other at theoccasional get together thrown by her mother or mine, we hadn’t shared the samefoot of space since freshman year. But now, she approached with her friend, herlips pursed with sour distaste and her eyes narrowed with hard scrutiny. Mystomach churned with dread.
“What do you want?” Molly spatat Travis.
“I just wanted to say hi.” Hisgrin was malicious, and I ran a hand through my hair, unable to meet Molly’seyes.
Brendon chuckled. “Your name’sMolly, right?”
Molly didn’t answer. Instead,she addressed me. “Hi, Chad.”
Travis barked with laughterand shoved against my arm. “Whoa! I think she likes you, man! Maybey’allwannaget a room orsomethin’. Right, Brendon? Maybe we should leave these twoalone.”
“Shut the hell up,” I grumbledat him through gritted teeth and shoved back.
“Well,heobviously doesn’t likeher,” Brendon replied, his tone cold and mean.“Why the hell would he?”
“Let’s go, Molly,” her friendurged. “These guys are fuckin’ dicks.”
