It did. And it feltgood.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
TESS
Howcould I let this happen, I wondered? How could I have allowed myself to fall inlove with this broken man, this man so committed to another woman, I couldnever compete.
Youcan’t compete with the dead.
But,I reminded myself, he no longer wears his wedding ring. And that was how I knew…
Hewas in love with me. Maybe even as much as I was with him.
***
Isat BACK;eyes glued to my screen. Thewords had spilled from my fingertips, separate from my consciousness, and now Istared at them. Did I really think he was in love with me? It was true, he nolonger wore his wedding ring. He hadn’t for a couple of weeks now, and I didn’tknow if it truly had anything to do with me or not.
But he was touching mefreely now. A hand against my waist, a brush of his fingertips against myshoulder or neck, or a stolen kiss when the girls weren’t looking. And therewas always a kiss goodnight,everynight.
Yet, we never spokeabout feelings, or what this was or where it was going. We never spoke aboutwhether it was exclusive, or simply an exercise in his moving on process. Iacknowledged that there was a chance he could be using me, as much as I wasusing him, and while that ached, I almost hoped it was the case. Because Iloved the book I was writing. The book that was inspired almost entirely byhim, and I didn’t want to stop.
But I was in love withhim, and if he was in love with me …
I shook my head,chasing the thoughts away. I couldn’t think about that. Not today. Becausetoday, he was heading up to Devin’s house to begin recording on the new album,the first that Jon would be on. I couldn’t dilly-dally when he couldn’t be late.
I pulled on my DocMartens and grabbed my bag, leaving my room to hurry down the hall to theliving room. Tim was already sitting on the couch, reading his book as Grandmasilently watched Richard and theFeud.
“Thanks for comingearly today, Tim,” I told him, pulling a sweatshirt on over my t-shirt.
“Oh, it’s no problem atall,” he answered cheerily, looking up from the pages. “Anything to get a breakfrom Marco. You know.Men.”
“Marco is Tim’shusband, Tessa. Can you imagine that? Men marrying men.” Grandma grumbledunintelligibly. “What’ll happen next?”
I shot an apologetic lookat Tim over Grandma’s head, and he responded with a laughing smile. “Should Itell her I’m reading a homo-erotic novel right now?” He lifted his book,showcasing the cover—two bare-chested men, locked in a passionate kiss. Grandmalifted her glasses and slid them on to peer at the picture.
“You know, Tim, JeffreyDahmer was homosexual.”
I gasped, horrified.“Grandma!”
But Tim, bless hisheart, didn’t miss a beat. “Well, good thing he’s not my type. I like to do theeating, if you catch my drift.”
Grandma shook her head,clueless. “I don’t follow.”
“Oh, come on, Ms. M.L.Lang. I’ve read your stories, you dirty girl, you.” Tim laid a hand againstGrandma’s knee, eyes glittering with mischief and laughter, and I groaned.
“Oh my God. Okay, youtwo. I’m out of here.”
Grandma lifted herfingers in a light-hearted wave. “By the way, Tessa, Maury likes Jon. I talkedto him about it earlier today. He thinks he’s a good man. Those aren’t easy tocome by these days, you know.”
“Okay, Grandma,” Ireplied weakly, catching Tim’s eye. He smiled reassuringly, as he always didwhen she spoke this way. When she spoke about Grandpa as though he was thereright beside us and engaging us in conversations we couldn’t hear.
“Maury says he’ll needsome time though. He’s going to be a little shaken for a while,” she continued,staring blankly toward the TV. I wasn’t sure she even saw Richard anymore. “Buthe’ll come around. Good men always do.”
***
“Okay, I should be back here beforemidnight, but in case I’m running a little later, you don’t mind stayingovernight?” Jon bustled through the apartment, carrying his backpack and duffelbag as he picked up the rogue toy here and there from the living room floor.“Girls, what did I say about cleaning up these toys?”
“You said to put themaway,” Shelly replied, skipping out of her room in one of her trademarkprincess dresses.
