“Drumming is hisoutlet,” he went on. “So, I guess you guys have something in common.”
I sniffed a light laughthrough my nose, caressing the plastic. Wooing it and making it mine. “Thepiano has always been my thing.”
“Yeah, man, but I thinkevery talented musician reaches a point where there’s no separation betweenhimself and his instrument. Like, it’s an extension of who you are, as opposedto just being a tool. You said that show was your best—the one we saw videosfrom—and I think that’s why. You’re letting your talent control you, instead oftrying to control it.”
The moment gave mepause, because before Beth’s death, I thought I’d always played that way, withthe passion of my talent guiding me. But maybe not. Maybe I’d been holdingback, and now, I wondered again about fate. If I had needed this tragedy in mylife to unleash what had always been held captive in my soul, and what an awfulthought that was.
But I felt these menunderstood, and I allowed myself to smile. Then, I positioned my hands again onthe keys and asked, “So, are we playing again, or what?”
***
“I need a fucking shower,” Sebastiandeclared, wiping the back of his arm over his forehead. “But afterward, youguyswannagrab some dinner before Tabby and I hitthe road?”
I opened my mouth totell him that sounded like a great idea and that I’d tell Tess and the girls Iwas going out, when Devin chimed in, “Hell yeah. I’ll call Grace and see if shecan watch the kids so Kylie can come. Jon, you think Tess would be down?”
Tess?Take Tess with us to dinner?My brain struggled to catchup as I stammered, “U-uh, well, I’d need her to watch my daughters, so—”
Sebastian shruggednonchalantly. “I’m sure Ky’s mom wouldn’t mind having them here, too. Andbesides, Greyson would be hanging out and theylovehim.”
That part was true. Mygirls had flocked to Sebastian’s son the moment he’d walked through the doorand they’d followed him around all day, giggling and blushing. It terrified mefor the future. Just another thing I would never be prepared to handle when thetime came.
I knew they’d be fine,with Greyson and Kylie’s mother. I trusted these people, despite not knowingthem well. But I couldn’t pull myself over the hurdle of going out to dinnerwith Tess. I’d be there with the other guys, sure, but they’d have their wives.They’d be there as couples, and if I was seen with Tess, what would that makeus?
“I don’t know …” Idroned on, shaking my head and stabbing trembling fingers through my hair.
Sebastian groanedimpatiently before lifting one side of his mouth in a sympathetic smile. “Holyhell. Relax, bro. Nobody’s telling you to bang her, okay? It’sdinner.”
It wasn’t the mosteloquent way he could’ve put it, but he had a point. It was just dinner, and itwould be nice to have one other person at the table who I knew well. Someone totalk to when conversation grew dull. Someone to build me up when my confidenceflailed. That’s all.
So, I agreed and askedTess if she’d like to come to dinner with us. I did so with confidence,successfully burying my anxiety and thoughts of the life I oncehad, andwaited for her response with cool informality. Ieven shrugged for good measure, ensuring she knew that it wasn’t a big deal.
Except that it was. Andshe knew it, too.
Tess’s phone slippedthrough her fingers, letting it drop unceremoniously to the basement floor. Sheplayed it off like it was nothing, like the connection between her brain andhands just wasn’t working. But as she bent over to pick the phone up, I saw shewas shaking, and my confidence began to slip.
“Uh, y-yeah, thatsounds great,” she told me, her voice a little shrill and her eyes full ofuncertainty. I knew she was thinking about our hug and that this invitationcouldn’t be a coincidence. Except that it was, and there was no way I couldtell her without carrying on with the awkward exchange.
Her eyes widened withhorror and her hands pressed over her chest. “Oh, God, where are we going? Idon’t have anything to wear. I didn’t think … I didn’t think we’d be goinganywhere nice …” She turned away from me, hurrying into the room she wassharing with the girls. I followed to watch her dig through her duffel bag ofclothes.
Leaning my shoulderagainst the doorframe, I kept my eyes on her and her frazzled display ofdetermination and said, “What you’re wearing is fine.”
She stood straight andgestured toward her outfit, an incredulous expression painting her face. “Doesthisreallylook okay to you?”
I narrowed my eyes,taking a closer look. “Are you wearing a 98° t-shirt?” My lips rolled betweenmy teeth as my gaze met hers. “Seriously?”
“What’s wrong with98°?” she asked defensively, now crossing her arms over her chest.
Shrugging, I replied,“Oh, nothing, except that they’re easily the lamest of all the boybands.”
With a huff, shereturned her attention to the backpack. “I know better than to accept boybandcriticisms from a man.”
“Excuse me,” Iretorted, stepping further into the room. “I know music, and I know what’sgoodmusic.”
“Okay, wise guy.” Witha determination to win, she left the backpack and took one step closer. “If youknow so much, what is thebestboyband?”
“Ever, or are westrictly talking about the 90’s?”
“Ever.”
