She had tea waiting forme, and a needle-sharp realization jabbed at my heart, a hurt that said howBeth had never done that. She had never made the tea unless I was there. Thegesture was nice, sweet, and a darkened spot on my heart illuminated withglowing warmth.
I accepted the cup fromTess, acutely aware of her fingers beneath mine for the smallest fragment of asecond. I was too shaken by the night and the moment, to say thank you, but Isat, prepared to talk. And wasn’t that a funny thing, I thought, that I couldtalk to her so easily, soeagerly.Maybe more easily than I spoke to my own wife, even before kids when we’d hadtime to ourselves. I’d had something to prove then, someone to impress. Someonetokeep.
But Tess wasn’t aninvestment; she was simplythere.
A breath of fresh airpushed into our lives by chance.
Clutching the mug in mygrasp and sitting on the couch, she sat beside me. It felt too close, sittingon the same seat together, where we’d already had tea several times before.Suddenly, I couldn’t trust myself. Suddenly, I couldn’t trust my faithful heartto behave.
“They were nice, anduh, they want me to call them,” I explained simply.
“Wow. Vague much?” Shegiggled and gave my arm a playful shove. “Come on, Jon. What did they say?”
With puffed cheeks, Iexhaled and shrugged. “Someone at the Fourth of July show apparently uploaded afew videos of me to YouTube. Devinfoundthem—God!” I barked a grunted, disbelieving laugh. “Can you believe that? Thisfamous guyactuallyfoundme. They made time intheir schedule to come seeme.”
Tess’s lips parted witha silent gasp. “Get out of here. They came here,justto watch you play?”
I nodded. “Basically.”
“Holy shit,” shemuttered, and I couldn’t even find it in me to tease her for her choice ofvocabulary. “Jon, that’s … that’shuge.You realize that?”
“I do,” I said simply,reminding myself to breathe. “I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet, butyeah,I know. It’s really crazy.”
“So, you said they wantyou to call them?”
“Yeah, I guess theywant to, I don’t know, test me out in the band or something. They want me tocall with my decision—”
Tess shut me up with anabrupt grasp on my arm. “Wait, you’re telling me you actually have tothinkabout this?” I shrugged beforenodding. “Jon, what is there to think about?”
I scoffed, shaking myhead and gently tugging away from her. “The girls, for one. This could changeeverything.”
Her face fell withsympathy. “But I thought that’s what you wanted,” she reminded me gently. “Youknow. Change.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, “butI thought things would change with a garbage job at the electrical company, nota position in a band where I’d have to go on tour for months out of the year. Icould potentially be ripping their lives apart, pulling them from everythingthey’ve ever known, and leaving all of this behind, and—”
“Are you more worriedabout them, or yourself?”
I narrowed my eyes toslits, glaring with a hardened edge. “What?”
Tess shrugged, unafraidby the menacing glint in my stare. “I’m just wondering if you’re holdingyourself back from this, because you’re worried about what it might do to you.”
“And what if I am?” Ireplied, challenging and setting my jaw. “What if I’m terrified of saying yes,because that would mean starting a new part of my life that she has absolutelynothing to do with?”
Her icy blue gazefitted easily into mine, and with a bold movement, she laid her palm against mycheek. My jaw instantly relaxed, and I didn’t move away. Why the hell couldn’tI move away?
“There’s nothing wrongwith that,” she told me. “But you can’t say she has absolutely nothing to dowith it.”
I knew that wastrue—I’d been thinking it the whole time in the club—but here, with Tess, whileI was actively nearing the dangerous edge of lust, Beth was feeling further andfurther away. Closer to being forgotten and closer tobeinga permanent fixture in my past.
It was in that momentthat I noticed us moving closer, our eyes fixated on each other’s lips, and Ipulled back. I reeled away with a panicked urgency, and by the startledexpression on her face, I wondered if she’d been as oblivious as I was.
“It’s getting late,”she hastily declared, standing from the couch and hurrying into the kitchenwith her still-full cup of tea. “I should go.”
“Yeah,” I called backto her, settling my gaze into my tea. “I have some stuff to think about.”
With her bag on hershoulder, she entered the living room again, prepared to say goodbye and leavefor the night. But before she walked to the door, she faced me, and spoke, “Look,it’s not up to me. This is obviously your choice to make, and I’ll back you up,regardless of what you want to do. But can I just say something?”
I hesitated, thennodded.
