“Easier said than done.”I hoisted my backpack over my shoulder.
“Maybe,” she said quietlywith the ghost of a smile tugging at her lips. “Um, so what are you doing now?The girls are with your parents tonight, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah,they’re being dropped off tomorrow.”
Tess’s smile broadenedas she stepped away from the bar, and asked, “Youwannagrab a cup of tea?”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
JON
The invitation shouldn’thave shaken me up asmuch as it did. For nearly a week now, I’ve been coming home from the club tospend time in Tess’s company over a cup of tea. I could feel the act settling,becoming a part of our routine, and it was fine. It didn’t feel adulterous, inthe way I thought it might. It was nothing more than a simple comfort sharedbetween friends.
Now, I sat across fromher at a diner justoff ofthe highway, a couple ofminutes from my apartment. We ordered two cups of decaffeinated tea, and as wewaited, I couldn’t help thinking that this felt an awful lot like something Irefused to put my finger on.
Because this was Tess.And I loved my wife.
“So, the girls weren’thappy about staying with their grandparents, huh?”
I smirked as I grabbedtwo sugar packets from the container on the table and handed them to her. “Uh,that’s putting it lightly. They wereactually prettyticked off initially. I think they felt like you abandoned them or something.”
I was teasing, ofcourse, but Tess’s mouth fell open and her eyes darkened with worry. “Oh myGod, I didn’t even think about that …”
“About what?”
She shook her head.“It’s just—"
The waiter came withour cups of tea, and we thanked him in such synchronized unison, you might’vethought it was practiced. The hairs on my arms stood on end with theuncomfortable eeriness of it all. Tess merely giggled.
I looked to herexpectantly as I ripped a sugar packet open and dumped it into my cup. “Youwere saying?”
“Oh, um …” She stirredthe sugar into her tea with a one-shouldered shrug. “I was just thinking that Ishould really be more careful with them like that. They might be moresensitive,with everything they’ve been through.”
“Ah. Right.” I nodded,folding my hands on the table and allowing the tea to cool. I studied my thumbsand chewed on my lip, before adding, “If it helps to lighten the load for you,I don’t think Shelly remembers Beth much, if at all, and I know Annabeldefinitely doesn’t.”
“But Lilly …” Herhushed voice trailed off to blend into the clinking of her spoon hitting thesides of the mug. Her glossy lips settled into a line before she chewedworriedly at the corner of her mouth. I knew a question was on her mind, and witha reluctant guess, I knew what it was she wanted to ask. For years after I’dnever spoken of it. I never allowed myself to go that far into the memoriesthat plagued my nightmares. And now, without really knowing why, I decided totell her.
Clearing my throat, Iconfessed, “Lilly called me at the club that night.”
Tess’s eyes met mineand her lips fell open in a silent gasp. “Did she … did she find—”
Pursing my lips, Iallowed a single nod as my gaze dropped to the cooling tea. “At a pretty earlyage, we had started drilling into her what to do if something was wrong. We hada few numbers on speed-dial—mine, Beth’s, 9-1-1, Jeff’s, my mother’s—and we’dtold her which button to press when she needed to get ahold of someone.”
I found myselfchuckling at a little blip of memory, and I looked back to Tess. “It wasamazing that she remembered at all, but I can’t tell you how many times I thenhad to stop playing at Jeff’s to take the phone. All just to have her tell methat, I don’t know, Shelly farted, or Mommy was peeing, or …” I sniffed andwiped a hand over my mouth, suddenly aware that I couldn’t remember the lasttime I’d heard myself say that word.Mommy.
“Jon …” Tess whispered.A nervous tremor struck her voice, and I waved it away.
“I’m fine,” I assuredher, and wouldn’t you know, Iwas.Surprisingly. I knew I could do this. Hell, I needed to do this. “Anyway, um …I had been at the club late that night, just talking to Jeff about some stuff,and my phone rang. And …” I shook my head. “I almost didn’t answer. I wasactually madabout it. When I saw it was the house phone andnot Beth’s cell phone, I knew it had to be Lilly, and I was so annoyed that shewasn’t in bed.”
Tess kept silent as Itook a deep, cleansing breath and continued: “But Jeff reminded me how we’dtaught her to call in case something was wrong, and then, I thought, what ifsomething actually is? So, I answered …”
***
“Hello?”I asked, fighting to hide my annoyance from my tone. The line was silent, savefor the sound of Annabel crying uncontrollably. My eyes narrowed and my heartescalated. “Lilly? Honey?”
“Daddy?”She was annoyed, not worried. Not scared. That was good.
“Yeah,baby? What’s up? What’s going on?” My eyes met Jeff’s. He must’ve managed tohear something I didn’t. The color drained from his face. My heart, God, itstarted beating so fast. I was too young to have a heart attack, right? “Lilly?Why is Annabel crying?”
