“I have everything weworked for,” I said to the vacant apartment. “I’m out of Jeff’s club. I’mworking with a real band and I’m making good money. I got us out of this pieceof crap apartment.”
You’renot answering the question. I saw her sympathetic eyes, pinning meto the spot as she walked across the apartment.Why can’t you just answer this one, little question?
“Youweren’t happy,” I repeated. “I could never make you happy. Whatthe hell givesmethe right to behappy?”
Becauseyou found her, and you were meant to makeherhappy.
Could it have been sotragically simple and cruel? That my life with Beth had all been an elaborateset-up for me to meet Tess, for us to then inspire each other and achieve greatthings?
That still didn’t takeaway from the fact that she’d used me. But was it stupid for me to be clingingto that as the scapegoat for why I wouldn’t ask her to run away to Connecticutwith me? Maybe. Still, I was remaining stubborn, punishing myself more than Iwas punishing her. Or so I’d like to think.
With a rueful sigh, Ilifted my head to find Beth wasn’t there. Of course, she wasn’t, and wiping ahand over my face, I pulled myself to my feet. Glancing around the room, Inodded slowly, knowing for certain this was it. This was goodbye.
“Okay, well …” Andthen, before I could say my piece, I spotted a book on the counter. “I packedthat away,” I said to myself, and running through the sequence of events, Irecalled, “I put it in a box of books, and I put that box in the U-Haul,” orhad I?
I walked toward it andpicked it up. Since she’d given it to me, I hadn’t opened it. I didn’t dare.Now, I noticed under the title—Tell MeGoodnight—that it read, in italics,inspiredby a true story.A surge of anger flared in my gut. Had she printed my namewithout my permission? Or worse, mykids’names? I gritted my teeth together, setting my jaw tight as I lowered thepicture to the floor. It rested against the cabinet doors as I furiously openedthe book, right to the dedication page, and there, my anger quelledimmediately.
ToM.L. Lang. To Maury’s wife. To Adam’s mother.
ToGrandma.
Imiss you. I love you. Thank you.
“Oh, God,” I muttered,finding myself choked up.
I turned the pages insearch of Chapter One, and when I found it, I read the first line:
Thisis the story of how I fell in love with a broken man and his three littleprincesses. It is tragic, but it is true. And with truth, there is almostalways tragedy.
And then, resolved tospending the night reading, I hoisted myself onto the counter, and continued.
***
“Okay, babe,” I said to the emptyapartment, several hours later. “I guess this is it.”
With the picture andbook tucked under one arm, I walked across the mottled green carpet and to thedoor. I grasped the doorknob and gave it one final turn, pulling it open. Anachespread from my gut to my heart. Something sodesperately sad and bittersweet, and if I hadn’t already cried, I might’veagain.
But instead, I inhaledslowly, breathing in that stagnant air, and turned to exhale into the livingroom. Sweeping my gaze over the area, the bare walls and empty kitchen, Imustered the strength to smile.
“I love you forever,Beth. Goodnight,” I said, because goodnight is still a lot less final thangoodbye, and I stepped outside and closed the door.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
TESS
To myheart’s discontent, this book will be concluded with a simple plea.
Ifyou ever read this, I want you to know that I’m sorry. And if you won’t acceptan apology, then I need you to believe one thing: There is nothing fictitiousin my feelings for you. I love you. I love your daughters. I love what we aretogether. And I hope, if you can find it within yourself to forgive me, thatyou’ll give us another chance.
Becauseeverybody deserves their happily ever after. Especially you.
***
I sat in the recliner, a bottle of wine inhand. A cold, winter rain pelted the roof, and I found it to be a fittingsoundtrack for my current mood.
After spending tonightat his parents’ place, tomorrow Jon was taking the girls to Connecticut. Hetold me he would stop by before leaving, to say goodbye, and I was veryconvinced I wouldn’t be able to do it. Not without wrapping my arms around hislegs and blubbering all over his shoes. Not without begging him to take mealong.
And yes, maybe it waspartially due to not wanting to move back in with my parents. Maybe I didn’twant to sleep in my old bed in my old bedroom again. But mostly, I just didn’twant to see them go and take my heart along with them.
