Hesmiled around his grimace. “You get stage-fright?”
Itwashumiliatingand I hesitated before nodding,figuring that I’d be more embarrassed if I threw up all over him without anyexplanation.
“Hey,it’s cool. I used to get it pretty bad,” he said as he dug into his pocket. Hepulled out a pack of gum and gave me a piece. “Here, chew this. The mint willhelp, and the chewing will keep you focused on something else.”
“Thanks,”I said, smiling weakly, and popped the gum into my mouth. “Where’s Ty andRobbie? He was right here,” I said, glancing back to the crowd and I spottedKylie. She had her phone in her hands, moving her fingers over the screen inrapid procession, and I laughed when my phone vibrated in my back pocket
Kylie:Areyou okay?
Me:Mightthrow up everywhere. I’ll try to aim for the blonde next to you.
Sebastianscratched the back of his head, and I looked up from my phone, not intending tobe a rude asshole.
“Tyhad a call with his wife and Robbie’s probably topping his high off somewhere.”
“Mm,”I grunted with a nod, just as my phone went off again.
Kylie:Deepbreaths, babe. You’ll be fine.
Devin:Sebastiangave me a piece of gum. It’s helping a little.
Kylie:Ilike him.
“Areyou texting Kylie?” he asked.
Ilaughed and nodded. “Yeah, she says she likes you.”
Chuckling,he shook his head and spun one of his drumsticks in the air. “Chicks always digthe drummer,” he said casually and lifted his brows. “But seriously man, she’scool. Robbie’s got it out for her, though.”
“Inoticed,” I grumbled, as I texted:
Devin:Yeah, I do too.
“Imean, honestly, when I found out I’d be playing with Robbie fuckin’ White, Iwas stoked. But God, that guy is adouchebag, right? I knew he was apain in the ass, but I never expected this shit. I keep my distance from him,and you should too.”
Myjaw shifted, because fuck, I wanted to agree. I knew Ishould’veagreed.My conscience was shoving me in the direction that everybody else had seemed tolean towards. It told me I needed to keepRobbie fuckin’ Whiteat arm’slength, at best, but then again, he was Robbie fuckin’ White! He wasn’tlegendary, but hewasnotable, and he easily had twenty years ofexperience on top of my measly three months.
Icould learn something from him, I thought, and that didn’t require theacceptance of Kylie or my other band members.
?
I wasfeelingabsolutely maniacal. Grinning from ear-to-earand laughing with my whole damn body like I’d just heard the best joke in theworld.
Goddammit. Theroar of that crowd, the energy emanating from them and floating toward me onthe stage, lifted me up and made me feel fucking invincible in a way I neverthought was possible. Their applause and screams between songs were enough tomake me believe that every note I played, every line I sang, was perfect.
Andso, with every song, I tried to play better. I tried to sing better. And theyscreamed louder. They clapped louder.
Bythe end of the show, I was giving them every little bit of myself. Everybreath, every drop of sweat. Every little iota of energy I had seeping throughmy pores was dispensed into every lyric and every chord. Squeezing my eyesshut, singing like my very life depended on it.
Butwhen the last songendedand my eyes opened, I focusedon that crowd, and I no longer saw that swaying mass of hands and hair.
Isaw purple.
Isaw Kylie.
Mybiggest fan. My reason for everything, and swinging my guitar to my back, Itook my last bit of energy and ran to the side of the stage. I reached into myguitar case and pulled out the daisy I had sent Richard to a florist for andran back out to the edge of the stage and knelt.
Twosecurity guards flanked her, arms outstretched to hold back the pressing forceof those crazed women, and I smiled as I handed the flower to her.
