Sighing,she nodded. “I know that, honey, but I also know how difficult it was for you,when your father passed—”
“Forme? I thought it was prettyfreakin’ difficultforbothof us,” I disputed, utterly bewildered that she could implythat it was only one-sided.
Momnodded, a sympathetic apology glassing over her eyes. “Kylie, I didn’t actuallychange a whole lot after your father’s death; you just didn’t realize it, untilhe wasn’t here to be a distraction.”
Ishook my head. “Mom,don’t—”
“Honey,”she interrupted, laying her hand over mine. “Listen to me. I devoted so much ofmy life to worrying about him and caring for him—defendinghim, even.And when he was gone, I didn’t know how to pick myself up again. I didn’t evenknow who I was, it had been so long.”
Mylips parted with a quiet gasp. Was that the truth? Had her love for my fatherand devotion to taking care of him caused her to lose herself?
“Iloved your father, you know that, and I would never in a million years takeback my time with him. As trying and heartbreaking as it was. But, I also hadambitions and dreams, and I had to give those up for him, because of who hewas. I forgot what it was to be myself, and it wasn’t until I met Richard, thatI remembered.”
Shepicked up a biscuit and took a bite before pointing it in Devin’s direction.“You’re lucky you’ve had this one,” she said, her mouth full. “I’m lucky forthat as well. I’ve always known you were okay, as long as he was around.”
Thatmakes two of us. I swallowed at the lump in my throat. “So, Richard,huh?” I asked with a little smile while squeezing Devin’s hand in mine. “Howdid you meet him?”
Mom’scheeks pinked. “At the grocery store. We just … got to talking in the checkoutline.”
“Whatdoes he do?” Devin asked.
“He’s,um … in business management,” she replied.
“Likeyou, KJ,” he said with a gentle grin and a nudge against my ribs.
Inodded slowly and bit my lip before teasing, “So, is he the inspiration behindthe redecorating?”
Shesmiled, a twinge of sadness evident in her melodic laugh. “No. I realized awhile ago that I couldn’t keep living with your father’s ghost forever. I washolding him back from finally being free, and I couldn’t keep doing that tohim.”
Notlike he had done to her. I knew she wanted to say it, after whatshe had just confessed to me. The things I had been too blind to see formyself.
“Buthe didhelpmewith the house,” she admitted. “I couldn’t do itmyself.”
“Youcould’ve called. I—”
“We,”Devin interrupted, his hand pulsing around mine.
“Wewould’ve helped,” I told her, hurt that she hadn’t thought to call, but sheheld up her hand.
“No,”she said, stern. “I wasn’t going to do that to you. You had already beenthrough enough, and you were off, living your life. Richard offered, and—”
“Wait.”A hot flash of angry sadness waved over me. “So, you just allowed a stranger tothrow away all of Daddy’s stuff?” I snapped. “Maybe I would’ve liked a say inwhat happened to his things, Mom.”
“Kylie,”she said, gently stroking her thumb over the back of my hand. Treating me likea kid and I guess, in some ways, I was still trapped there. A little girl,still grieving the loss of her daddy. “There are boxes of some of his things inyour old room. Which, by the way, was another reason I wanted you to come by.You’re not obligated to take everything, but you can go through them and decidewhat you’d like to keep.”
Inodded, relaxing with a deep breath. “Thank you,” I said, and then added, “I’msorry. I shouldn’t have—"
Momfolded her hand around mine. “It’s okay, honey. You’re allowed to react. I’mjust glad it’s out in the open,” she said, making her relief obvious with awhoosh of air passing through her lips. “What was it you wanted to tell me?”
“Um…” It took me a moment to remember my words, and at the sight of Devin’s handwrapped around mine, they came back to me. “Oh, uh, so … Dev and I are togethernow.”
Iwish I could’ve mustered the enthusiasm to back the words up. I wish I could’vejumped up and down and celebrated in the way I wanted to, but I was emotionallyspent, unsure of how to process everything all at once, and so my announcementwas lackluster.
Sowas Mom’s reaction.
Shetipped her head to the side, scrunching her eyes and nose. “This is news?”
Iturned to Devin, shocked. “Uh, well, yeah …” I said, and he nodded.
