“Yeah,probably. It’s been a while,” I said with a thoughtful sigh.
Hecocked a brow. “How long?”
“Youdon’t justasksomeone that,” I laughed, and then conceded. “Highschool.”
Devinturned to me with a look of horror. “You haven’t had sex in, what? Fiveyears?”
“Oh,good, Dev. Say it a little louder,” I grumbled as an older woman took ascowling glance in our direction. She shook her head as she wandered down thesidewalk. “Oh look, we’re already making friends. Andyes,” I hissed,“it’s been a long time. But I was kind of, um, distracted. With family stuff.”
“Iget it. I’m just wondering if your virginity has grown back,” he quipped.
“Well,if it hasn’t, I can say for sure that my vagina is dusty as fuck,” I said toocasually, and a man walking his dog abruptly turned his head to gawk at me.
Devinlowered his mouth to my ear. “Who’s making friends now?”
“Yeah,whatever,” I grumbled as we neared the weathered old building. “And you can’tcriticize me formylack of a sex life. I don’t seeyougoingout.”
HisAdam’s apple bobbed, and he cleared his throat. “Don’t you worry about howoften I get laid,” he said uncomfortably.
Ishot a look up at him. Questioning, wondering. “Oh, I’m not worried. I’m justsaying, you can’t judge me when you’re not getting any either.”
“Well,who said I’m not?”
Ahot ball of fire built inside my belly, churning around and licking at mythroat. I swallowed at it, making feeble attempts to calm the flames to agentler flicker, but it stayed there. Burning away at me as we stopped at thestore front.
Whowas he sleeping with? Why hadn’t I met them? Why hadn’t he said anything in allthis time? I wondered if he did have a girlfriend, if I was keeping him fromher. I wondered if she knew about me, and if she hated me for depending on himso much.
Ilooked up at him as he peered through the window. “So, um … do you have agirlfriend?” I hated the way it sounded, like I was jealous. And maybe I was,as well as hurt for being kept in the dark.
“What?”he asked, glancing down at me.
“Doyou have a girlfriend?” I repeated, wishing I had never asked.
“Iknew I shouldn’t have said anything,” he said with a groan, shaking his head.“I’ve never really done relationships, Kylie,” he confessed, and I wondered whyI had never known that before either. “And I don’t …go outthat often,either. Just, um … every now and then.”
Ifilled in the blanks myself and nodded, ignoring that nauseating burn in thepit of my stomach. Ignoring the fragmented visions of him sleeping with random,faceless women.
“Oh.”
Aggravatedwith himself, he sighed. “Don’t be like that. It’s just—”
“It’snone of my business, Dev,” I interrupted, wrapping my arms around my stomach.
Iforced myself to focus on the interior of the old bar, through the dirty glasswindows, instead of my best friend and his apparent penchant for casual sex.And God, why did it matter to me?
Becausemaybe you wish it was you.
Ignoringmy heart, I coaxed myself to believe that it didn’t matter to me. I leanedcloser to the glass, cupping my hands around my eyes.
“It’snice, right?” he asked, recovering from the conversation with a touch ofawkwardness in his voice. “I can’t wait to get in there and check it out, thatstaircase back there is way too fucking cool.”
Inodded, eyeing the spiral set of stairs in the back of the space. “Yeah, it is.I wonder where Connie is?”
Asif she heard me, a rotund woman walked around the corner. Her pixie-croppedhair was styledpristinelyand a very expensive pairof sunglasses sat on the bridge of her nose.
“Ms.James?” she asked, eyeing me with uncertainty.
Irealized she was taking in my outfit, the unprofessional choice of clothesDevin had selected, and I nodded apologetically. “Yeah, sorry,” I said, feelinginstantly mortified. “I, uh—”
