Mylids opened to find her wiping a hand underneath her eye, unsuccessfullybrushing away the multitude of tears that streaked over her cheeks. Poe hadthat effect on her and he apparently had the same effect on me, as I tucked mylower lip between my teeth. Biting. Giving in to the tears as I turned to thepriest and cleared my throat.
Kylie
Two years ago,in an alleyway inPhiladelphia, Devin asked me when I had fallen in love with him. I couldn’tfind an answer, and I told him I didn’t know.
Becausethat was the truth.
Forme—for us, there had never been that one pinnacle moment. That defining memorythat would serve as the foundation for what were today. My love for him hadbeen such a gradual thing, that by the time I realized what I felt, it seemedlike it had always been there. Protecting me. Making me strong.
Whichwas why, between our ceremony at the church in River Canyon and our reception,I asked him to finally accompany me somewhere we hadn’t been in areally longtime. Somewhere I needed to go.
“Thisis weird,” I said on a deflating exhale.
“Wecan come back another time, if you want,” he said, as though we hadn’t justdriven an hour from River Canyon to stand there.
Isqueezed my hand around his and nodded. “No, I need to do this now.”
Inmy other hand, I clutched the bouquet, the one I never meant to toss and kneltto the ground in my wedding dress. I laid the daisies down on the grass,underneath my father’s name, and I stared at those letters carved into thestone.
“Hey,Daddy,” I said in a barely audible whisper, “I wanted you to meet someone.” Iturned my head, looked up at Devin, and said, “This is that guy I told youabout. Devin O’Leary—my husband.”
Clearinghis throat, Devin crouched beside me, gripping tight to my hand as he said, “Iwish we’d gotten the chance to meet sooner, sir.” And I smiled at him, despitethe tears filling my eyes, because there were some things I’d always regret.
“Wejust got married today,” I said, turning back to the headstone. “But, youalready know that.”
Inthe days leading up to the wedding, the happiness I should’ve felt was squashedby the overbearing weight of my sadness. The despair of knowing I’d be spendingmy wedding day, the most important day of my life, without my father. I spentmy nights, wishing for the power to bring him back for just that one day. Togive me away, to let me go, in the way I was forced to thirteen years ago. And,to meet my husband, the only person to protect me from all that pain.
Butin that church, with the sunlight guiding my way down the aisle, I was liftedwith an unexplained knowledge that I was being watched. A weightless kiss onthe cheek, a not-there touch on the shoulder, as my stepfather left me at thealtar with Devin. It was invisible to everybody and there would be nophotographic evidence that it happened, but I felt it. And I knew it was him.
“Iknow I should’ve come back sooner,” I said, laying my head on Devin’s shoulder.“It’s been a crazy fifteen years since you left. So much has happened, but, I’mhere now, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry you were sick, I’msorry we couldn’t help, I’m sorry I was so fucking ashamed of you …”
Iclosed my eyes and jammed my lower lip between my teeth, seeking control overthe words I never knew I needed to say. Devin tipped his head to rest againstmine, his thumb stroking the back of my hand.
Ibreathed and sniffed back the tears, not caring that my makeup was going to beruined by the time we gotbackand I opened my eyes.
“Imiss you so much,” I said, urging myself to smile. “I miss you, but I’m okay.”
Ilifted my head and saw a tear dropping from Devin’s eye. I laid my palm overhis cheek, catching it before it had a chance to fall to the ground and I movedto press my lips to his. My fingers stroked over his bristled jaw as I pulledaway and smiled.
“Ipromise, I’m okay.”
