Six.
That’s how many times I tried to call her.
Eighteen.
That’s how many texts I had sent her.
Four.
That’s how many times I hit my head against the wall, when itdawned on me that she wasn’t going to answer me.
Three.
That’s how many tiny bottles of liquor I drank from the minibar inmy room, when I couldn’t think of any other way to numb my aching heart.
I didn’t sleep. Icouldn’tsleep. I hadn’t gone a singleevening without wishing her good night since I was twenty-three. I didn’t knowhow not to, and so, I tossed and turned until the sun poked its ugly fingersthrough the curtains and laid them over my face. With a groan, I flipped thecovers up and still dressed in the same clothes I wore after the show, shuffledmy way to the bathroom.
A heavy banging against the door pulled me from my intent tocleanse the night away, and I went to peer through the peephole.
Robbie.
I threw the door open, solely intent on kicking the ever-livingcrap out of him for being the cause for the fight, but was he, really? He was afucking asshole, that was for damn sure, but it was my own choices that had ledto the fight in the first place. And so, I resigned myself to not kicking hisass. But there was no reason for pleasantries.
“You look like shit,” he said, laughing in my face before pushingpast me into the room. “Where’s your woman?”
“Mywomanwent home last night,” I grunted, letting thedoor slam behind me.
He nodded, dropping to the couch and kicking his legs up along thecushions. “Huh … you have a nicer room than I do,” he mentioned, letting hiseyes take a gander around the room. “You even have a kitchen, man! What thehell is that about? The star always gets the good shit, I tellya.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “What the hell do you want,Robbie?”
He shot his gaze back at me, as though suddenly reminded that hehad come by for a reason. He shrugged, “Just wanted to see how you were doing.Aren’t I allowed to check up on my buddy?”
I shook my head, laughing bitterly. “I’m not in the mood for thisright now.”
He narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. “You’re using me, man,you know that?”
“The hell are you talking about?”
Shrugging again, Robbie stuffed his hand into the front pocket ofhis shirt and grabbed his pack of smokes and lighter. Plucking one from thecarton, he let it dangle between his teeth before setting it to the flame.Flipping the lighter closed and pinching the cigarette between his fingers, hepointed at me. “They all do it, you know. They all need thatthingtoblame the first time they smoke a joint or snort a line. Hell, you know what Iblamed the first time? My dad and the belt he liked to use any time I looked athim the wrong way. But man, he wasn’t there,makingme try the shit. Ididn’tmakeyou take a hit, O’Leary. That was all you, and if you needto blame me for that, fine. So be it. I can be a scapegoat. But I’m telling youright now, dude—you did it because youwantedto. You were curious.Because that little lady of yours, keeps you on a short fucking leash and youneeded to let go a little bit before crawling back inside your cage.”
He took a drag and puffed the smoke through his nose like agoddamn dragon. “It’s a shame, honestly. Hot piece like that … you’d thinkshe’d know how to have a little fun, but that ass is fuckingtight. Ifshe weren’t spoken for, I might be inclined to loosen it up a little for her,if you catch my drift.”
“I’m ten seconds away from ripping your tongue out and jamming itdown your fucking throat,” I growled through gritted teeth.
“Hey, I didn’t say I wasgonnadoanything, O’Leary. Chill out. Unless, of course, she’s no longer spoken for …”Hewinkedand I took a step toward that weasellylittle guy, with his stringy hair and crooked nose, and he flinched. “Easy, bigguy. I get it, she’s off-limits—single or not.” And he winked again.
Were we over?A sour dread flooded my gutand I had to sit down, thrusting my hands into my hair.
“Aww, cheer up, buddy. Plenty of pussy out there.”
“Robbie,” I said, exhausted and broken. “Please, shut up.”
Much to my approval, he climbed off the couch. “Okay, okay, champ.I’ll leave you alone. I can see you’re hurting, but I wanted you to know, I’mhere for you, okay?”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t.
“Hey, before I leave, can I ask just one question?” He pointed hiscigarette down at me before popping it back between his teeth.
