“Whydon’t you—” The door put a stop to his words as Richard threw it open withoutwarning. Devin turned toward him and shook his head. “Rich,are you capable of knocking?”
“O-oh,um,” he stammered, catching sight of my shitty attempt to keep my emotions atbay and Devin, holding my face between his hands. “Sorry to interrupt, but it’sshowtime in ten.”
Devinnodded once in reply and Richard retreated, granting us just a few moreprecious moments of solitude before the world began again. It had become parfor the course. His alone time with me was minimal at best and was only when wewere in our hotel room, or those minutes in the dressing room before he wenton. Every other waking moment seemed to be dedicated to perfecting his look,changing his sound, taking pictures and band practice.
Itwas the nature of the job, I knew that. But knowing that didn’t stop it fromhurting any less.
“AsI was saying,” Devin said, continuing where he left off, “I was going to begyou to stay with me.”
Again,I diverted my eyes from his, because fucking hell, just looking at him might’vebeen enough to break me in half and I didn’t want to take my chances.
“Dev,you know I can’t. I want to, Ireallydo, but—”
“Iknow, but ....” He hung his head and pulled one hand from my face, using it topinch the bridge of his nose. “God, Kylie, Richard’s extending the tour.”
Myeyes squeezed shut. “What?”
“Bytwo more months,” he admitted. His voice was rough and restricted, and mybreath came out in a deflating gasp.
“Whenwere you going to tell me?” I questioned in a whisper.
“Ididn’t know how.”
“God.That’s such a long time,” I croaked, raising my eyes to the ceiling.
“Iknow, baby, but that’s why I want you to stay,” he said, taking my hands andsqueezing them.
“Devin,you know I can’t,” I persisted, hating myself for saying it. Hating that hewasn’t grasping it. “I have the business to run, babe. I can’t just stopeverything because you have a new job, no matter how much I’d like to, and—”
“Kylie,”he begged. Pleading me with wide brown eyes. “I just really don’t know if I’mcapable of being away from you for that long. It’s fucking stupid, but … I’malmost afraid to find out.” He shook his head. “I don’t want it to becomenormal to not see you.”
Ithought about that—normal—and I couldn’t remember what the hell thatword even meant anymore.
Mynormal for the past few years of my life was to wake up to Devin every singleday in the apartment we shared, and to find daisies on the table everyWednesday. To cook us dinner, to care for our cat, to live our lives as bestfriends and more recently, lovers.Thatwas normal.
Withina few short months, normal had become something chaotic. Something I couldn’trely on and I wondered if he was more afraid of being withoutme, orfinding out who he’d become if I wasn’t there.
Maybeboth.
“We’lltalk later,” I promised regrettably and stood up, prying my hands from his.“You have to go on.”
?
Thelightsblackenedand I stood in darkness, surroundedby a gyrating sea of strangers. Their energy choked me with anxiety as theyscreamed, shouted and whistled. They bumped into me, pressing my body againstthe guardrails and I struggled against them, sending my elbows back to keepthem from getting too close.
Iwas suffocating, but I needed to watch him. Before I couldn’t anymore.
Aguard with a flashlight noticed me, warding off the frenzy of girls crowdingaround me and grabbed my arm.
“Igot you,” he said in a gruff voice, hoisting me over the rail until I was safe,on my feet and separated from the insanity. He noticed the VIP badge around myneck and asked, “Do you know the band?”
Inodded, catching my breath. “I’m with Devin.”
Hisface revealed more shock than I expected. “What are you doing out here, then?These girls will eat you alive.”
“Iwanted to watch the show,” I explained weakly. I had always been in the frontrow. I had always been his biggest fan, but standing there, surrounded byyounger women who could scream louder and longer, I felt like nobody.
Ithad only taken two weeks for it to reach this point.
