“I don’t know.Maybe you were too drunk to remember?”
“Never.There’s no fucking way,” he swears adamantly.
I begin to question everything about that night.
“I don’t know, Pope.I heard a man say those words.It was you, or maybe it wasn’t.How am I supposed to trust that after what you did?You always swore you’d never touch another woman, too, but you did.”
He moves on with a sigh.“What was it like?The pregnancy.The birth.I’d like to know it all.”
“It was hard.I won’t sugarcoat it for you.Being pregnant with twins put me at a higher risk than a normal pregnancy.I fought high blood pressure.The morning sickness wasn’t just in the mornings, it was all day, almost every day.I had a panic attack at five months because I was so sure I was going into labor.I was absolutely terrified because I knew they wouldn’t survive that early.Valkyrie was there, though, holding my hand and reassuring me everything was going to be okay.Right at my thirty-four mark, I went into preterm labor.They did their best to slow it down with magnesium because I wasn’t dilating fast enough.When they realized I wasn’t going to dilate past six centimeters, they determined I was going to need a C-section.”My eyes search his terrified eyes.“Valkyrie tried calling you again because I was petrified, and I was stupidly crying for you.It was scary, but it went fast.That wasn’t the most terrifying thing, though.Two hours after delivery, Lovelyn went into distress.They said it was transient tachypnea of the newborn.TTN for short.”
“What’s that?”he asks in an agonized whisper.
“It’s when there’s excessive lung fluid.They believe the C-section may have had something to do with it.”
“But she’s okay now?”
I nod.“Yeah.She had extra oxygen for a few days.They had to keep Legend in there with her, though, because if they tried to separate them, her vitals went crazy.I’m telling you, Apollonos, it was scary as hell seeing their tiny bodies in an incubator.One with tubes going up her nose.”Then I smile, thinking about my tough babies.“Legend never let go of her hand.The entire twenty days they were in there, he never let her go.”
“Do you have pictures?”
“Valkyrie does.I made her keep everything from their baby years safe because I was terrified of what Frankie would do with it.”
“I’d like to see it one day.”
“Of course,” I promise, reaching out to wipe the tears that have fallen from his eyes.
His head falls to my chest, his lips resting against the spot my heart beats.
Pope’s anguish turns the air in the room into such a stifling pressure that I struggle to breathe through it.
No matter how angry I am, his pain has always called out to mine.My soul pleads for me to soothe the ache that’s in his.It urges me to take care of its mate.Unable to resist the call, I run my fingers through his hair.There’s a whisper of breath against my skin from his sigh.
“Will you tell me more about that night?”I ask softly.
“There’s not much more to tell you other than what we already talked about.I had to come up with something to get you and Valkyrie out of here.I was losing focus with the Steel Slayers because I was worried about the threats toward you and Kyrie.”He leans his head back against the headboard and stares at me with shattered eyes.“Being distracted is a good way to end up dead in this lifestyle.You know that more than anyone because of Piston.I knew you wouldn’t leave willingly, and I knew if you stayed, I’d be more worried about you.If I’d have told you what was happening, you would have demanded to help.”His finger reaches out to drift over my face in such a tender way that my eyes water.“I’m not an actor, baby.There’s no way I could have just pretended to be split up with you while you were still around.You had to go.”
“Where did Diamond come in?”
Pope’s thumb caresses my thigh.“Out of all the club girls, she was the only one I knew I could trust not to take advantage of the situation.She loved you and only wanted to do what she could to help protect you.Her one stipulation for helping was that once you were gone, we let her leave.She chose where she wanted to go, and we helped her get set up in her new place.We made sure she never had to work again if she chose not to.She sacrificed everything she loved that day too.None of what we did was right, but at the time, we thought it was the only way.Gavel reamed my ass for it.He never approved.Hell, there were a lot of club members who didn’t.”
His eyes grow distant as he loses himself to his thoughts.“When I stopped outside your house that day, that’s when I really knew how badly I’d fucked up.Another man had everything that should’ve been mine because I was too stupid to hold on to you.If I had known the hell you would’ve faced after that visit, I would’ve stolen you all away like I wanted to.You seemed so fucking happy, though.How the hell could I steal even more of that from you?”
“Did you have sex with Diamond?”
“No, little mama.My hands never strayed from where I had them on her hips.It may not have looked like it from your position, but the only thing on the lower part of her body that touched me was her legs.”
“Why have you never fucked Dimples or Spunky?”
“Because of you.You didn’t like them, and I had enough demons vying for my soul, I didn’t need to add more to the chase.”
Quiet grows between us as we both get lost in our thoughts.
It’s easier than I expected talking about this with him.Maybe it’s because so many years have passed, or maybe it’s because I’ve been through true hell and survived.What he did wasn’t okay and I’m not going to just say that I forgive him without having the time to work on it.We have a long way to go before we’re in a comfortable place again.
I can trust him with our kids.I can trust him with my life.But I’m finding it really difficult to trust him with my heart.
Seven years ago, I thought our love was the strongest thing in the world.There was nothing that could come in between us.Or so I thought.It took a threat for him to break every oath he made to me.
