It all plays out through my mind.
How the fuck did I not see it?
It was right there in front of my face seven years ago, the way the attacks felt personal.We couldn’t find the connection, so we just assumed I was wrong.
Why the hell didn’t I listen to my gut?
My shoulders droop as the weight of my failures settle on them.
How can I walk out of here and look my brothers, my woman, my kids, in the eyes, knowing that if it wasn’t for me, their lives would be different?
Gavel walks past my room and peeks in.My posture must alert him because he comes inside and stands in front of me.
“What’s going on?”
“That was Frankie,” I tell him, monotone.
“What did that fuck have to say?”
“That it’s all on me.”
“All on you?”
I lift my eyes to meet his.“I was the target the entire time.The Steel Slayers, us losing brothers, him taking Birdie, all the shit she endured ...it’s all because of me.How the fuck do I cope with that?How do I face everyone I love knowing I’m the motherfucking reason for all the hell?”
He flinches from whatever he sees on me before his face hardens.“You buck the fuck up and know that you are not fucking responsible for what some sick piece of shit does.You didn’t force him to come after the club or Birdie.You didn’t make him lay his hands on her.You weren’t the ones who took the lives of our brothers.There’s only one person who is responsible for all of that.”
“Frankie,” I growl.
“Fucking Frankie.”Gavel curls his fingers around the back of my neck and rests his forehead on mine like he used to when I was younger.“I’m sorry you were born into such a shit family, kid.”
He releases me, and I shrug, shoving my phone into my pocket.“Don’t be.I like the one I’ve chosen for myself.”I sigh.“Come on.We’ve got church to go over the shit that’s about to go down.”
People like to say that blood is thicker than water, so you should always side with the ones you share DNA with.Why would anyone try to force shit people on someone?Just because they’re your family, your blood, doesn’t mean you owe them anything.The full phrase is actually‘The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.’Meaning that the bonds you choose, the people you choose, can be just as strong as familial ties.Hell, sometimes, in my case, they’re fucking stronger.
The only good ones I share my blood with are my grandfather and my kids.
The rest of these fuckers?I’ve chosen them and I’ll continue to do so until the day I close my eyes for the last time.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Birdiestopsmewhenshe notices the council members heading into the chapel.“Is everything okay?”
I grab her by the belt loops on her jean shorts and pull her to me.“Frankie called me.”
Her body breaks out in tremors, but her eyes hold steady on mine.There’s strength in them instead of the fear that used to fill them with his name.
“Tell me,” she demands.
“So fucking strong,” I murmur, swiping a quick kiss across her lips before leaning away so I can fill her in quickly.
When I finish telling her about the conversation I had with Frankie, she cups her soft hands over my cheeks.“You listen to me, Pope.Get what he said out of your head.Frankie is just trying to get under your skin.He’s good at doing that.He’ll dig and dig until he finds that weak spot and then he slides right into it.You refused to let me believe it was my fault that Frankie abused me, so I’m refusing to let you believe this bullshit about yourself.Evil people are just evil.Sometimes they’re born that way, sometimes they’re made.Frankie was born that way.”
“Yeah, but I have the same blood running through my veins.Hell, mine should be worse because at least his mother was someone worthy.She was just a fucking kid.Both of my parents had poison in their veins.”
“You also have Gavel’s DNA.Don’t discount the good that’s in his heart that he passed on to you.You’re both more ...morally gray, but neither of you is evil.Maybe the good that should’ve been in Frankie died with his twin.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I agree.
