Am I counting?
Does my obsessiveness show through this letter?
A clock may as well be taped to my head, a calendar printed on the inside of my eyelids.
Sometimes all I can think about is leaving. I get so desperate to escape, I consider jumping into the ocean and taking my chances.
The ocean has always liked me, after all.
Other times, like tonight, the thought of leaving this place petrifies me.
How is Sterling Falls?
How areyou?
Please fill me in on Reese and Kade—yes, I know, I shouldn’t want to know anything about Kade Laurent, but I can’t help it. I find myself wondering. Caring.
And Antonio. Give him my love. I’ll hold on to my apologies and offer them to him when I see him next.
With love,
Artemis
I holdmy breath when I reread the letter.
Saint would reply, I think.
But I don’t send it, so I guess I’ll never know.
35ARTEMIS
Dear Saint,
It occurred to me that I could write to anyone else, but I most want to talk to you.
How are you? Do you have any new tattoos? Have you put your artwork on anyone more famous than the guys from last year?
I dream in equal parts about you and heroin. If it’s you, I wake up crying. Because you’re so far away from me, and I can’t do anything about it. Or maybe I justwon’t. That’s what we’re learning here, you know? The option to not do anything but exist.
Unfortunately, I’m making friends. Some of these girls are so nice, I just know terrible things happened to them.
Have you seen my brother?
I contemplated writing to him, but I don’t know how much he knows. I don’t even know if he’s back from Emerald Cove yet. If he isn’t, I can’t worry him.
I know he’d storm the island if he thought he had to. He’s done worse, after all.
Send my love to Antonio and Vittoria.
Tell Reese he’ll get the next letter.
All my love,
Artemis
It joinsthe first in the drawer.
The words I write are like an open wound. It’s a new kind of pain that I haven’t experienced before. I’m afraid I might get addicted to the bite of it.
