Page 178 of Good Girl, Bad Blood
‘He wasn’t what people expected,’ Jamie said quietly. ‘You know, he tried to fit a whole mattress through the gap in the toilet door, so I would be comfortable. And he asked me every day what I’d like to eat for dinner, despite still being scared of me. Of what I almost did.’
‘You wouldn’t have killed him,’ Pip said. ‘I know.’
‘No,’ Jamie sniffed, looking down at the smashed Fitbit still on his wrist. He’d said he would never take it off; he wanted it there, as a reminder. ‘I knew I couldn’t do it, even when the knife was in my hand. And I was so scared. But that doesn’t make it any better. I told the police everything. But, without Stanley, they don’t have enough to charge me. Doesn’t feel right, somehow.’
‘Doesn’t feel right that we’re both here and he’s not,’ Pip said, her chest tightening, filling her head with the sound of cracking ribs. ‘We both led Charlie to him, in a way. And we’re alive and he’s not.’
‘I’m alive because of you,’ Jamie said, not looking at her. ‘You and Ravi and Connor. If Charlie had worked out it was Stanley before that night, he might have killed me too. I mean, he set a building on fire with you inside.’
‘Yeah,’ Pip said, the word she used when no other would fit.
‘They’re going to find him eventually,’ he said. ‘Charlie Green, and Flora. They can’t run forever. The police will catch them.’
That’s what Hawkins had said to her that night:We will get him. But one day had turned into two had turned into three weeks.
‘Yeah,’ she said again.
‘Has my mum stopped hugging you yet?’ Jamie asked, trying to bring her out of her thoughts.
‘Not yet,’ she said.
‘She hasn’t stopped hugging me either,’ he laughed.
Pip’s eyes followed Joanna as she handed a plate to Arthur at the barbecue.
‘Your dad loves you, you know,’ Pip said. ‘I know he doesn’t always show it in the right way, but I saw him, the moment he thought he’d lost you forever. And he loves you, Jamie. A lot.’
Jamie’s eyes filled, sparkling in the dappled sunlight. ‘I know,’ he said, over a new lump in his throat. He coughed it down.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ Pip said, turning to face him. ‘All Stanley wanted was a quiet life, to learn to be better, to try do some good with it. And he doesn’t get to do that any more. But we’re still here, we’re alive.’ She paused, meeting Jamie’s eyes. ‘Can you promise me something? Can you promise me you’ll live a good life? A full life, a happy one. Live well, and do it for him, because he can’t any more.’
Jamie held her eyes, a quiver in his lower lip. ‘I promise,’ he said. ‘And you too?’
‘I’ll try,’ she nodded, wiping her eyes with her sleeve just as Jamie did the same. They laughed.
Jamie took a quick sip of his beer. ‘Starting today,’ he said. ‘I think I’m going to apply to the ambulance service, to work as a trainee paramedic.’
Pip smiled at him. ‘That’s a good start.’
They watched the others for a moment, Arthur dropping a load of hot-dog buns and Josh rushing to pick them up, shouting ‘Five-second rule!’ Nat’s laugh, high and unguarded.
‘And,’ Jamie continued, ‘I suppose you’ve already told the whole world I’m in love with Nat da Silva. So, I guess I should tell her myself sometime. And if she doesn’t feel the same, I move on. Onwards and upwards. And no more strangers on the internet.’
He raised his beer bottle out towards her. ‘Live well,’ he said.
Pip lifted her glass of water and clinked it against Jamie’s bottle. ‘For him,’ she said.
Jamie hugged her, a quick, teetering hug, different from Connor’s clumsy hugs. Then he stood up and walked across the garden to Nat’s side. His eyes were different when he looked at her, fuller somehow. Brighter. A dimpled smile stretched across his face as she turned to him, the laugh still in her voice. And Pip swore, maybe just for a second, she could see the same look in Nat’s eyes.
She watched the two of them joking around with Jamie’s sister, and she didn’t even notice Ravi walking over. Not until he sat down, hooking one of his feet under her leg.
‘You OK, Sarge?’ he said.
‘Yeah.’
‘You want to come over and join everyone?’
‘I’m fine here,’ she said.
