Itiptoe up the staircase, feeling pretty shitty for yelling at Cade over something I understand is difficult for him to carry out. Sleep. Since the other guys have come to live with us, we decided it was best to move everyone’s bedrooms upstairs together, turning Cade’s old room into his office. In doing that, though, Cade wakes everyone up with his nightmares.
Last night was one of the worst yet. He thrashed in my arms, screaming and threatening me to let him go. To let him leave. Honestly, with the violent sounds he was making, I was shocked Theo or the other guys didn’t burst in to help.
Cade was feral, screaming out, “I did it. I killed them because of her.” All I could do was hold him tight until the madness dissipated.
Then we ran until he stumbled, collapsing in the grass. I thought he would sleep after that, but no such luck.
So, feeling guilty or not, he needs rest.
With my ear to the door, I’m met by silence. I try the handle, prepared to retrieve my key from my jeans pocket but it’s not locked. Inside the room, I take in the well-kept space painted a masculine gray with orange accents. The walls and furniture make you feel right at home. Of all my guys, Cade is the most appreciative of his things.
Just beyond the sitting area, I take in my exhausted friend perched on the edge of the bed, head in his hands.
I take a seat alongside him and reach my arms across his shoulders and give him a slight squeeze. “How long did you sleep?”
He raises his head and meets my eyes with a weary frown. Sighing, he admits, “I didn’t.”
I rub soothing circles on his back, trying give him comfort. I hate what I am about to do next, and the way he is looking at me with dread tells me he knows he has no other options left. He’s been too long without sleep. We have gone through everything I know and I have to admit defeat and enlist medicinal help.
I stand and make my way to the small wet bar, tucked in the corner of the room. Cade tracks my movements with his eyes but doesn’t follow. Knowing he will require a little push, I request, “Come have a drink with me?”
He stares at me for a beat before sighing in surrender. His sweatpants bunch at his calves as he stands while his t-shirt screams at the seams along his expansive chest. His steps are slow with trepidation as he makes his way to the bar.
I busy myself with preparing us some chamomile tea, my favorite, and pour us a cup.
Reaching into my pants pocket, I reveal the hated blue pill. Theo and Cade loathe these. Another thing they have in common. The pill makes a clinking noise as I place it on the counter. I tip my chin to the glass of water I’ve poured him. “Down the hatch.”
Cade glares at the menacing pill with revulsion in his eyes.
“Last night was bad. You want to tell me about it?”
He shakes his head quickly. It was a long shot anyway. “No, I’m fine. It was a weak moment. It won’t happen again.”
But it will. I know it. He knows it. Love just cannot fix some things. I don’t know what all happened that fateful night in Afghanistan but I know that it changed Cade. And no matter how much it pains me to see him battle these demons on his own, I understand the need for him to work through it, keeping his secrets until he’s ready to share them with me.
“Maybe it’s time you talk to someone. I know a grea—”
“I already told you, no.”
I try not to scrunch my face in aggravation. Key word beingtry. “Well, excuse the hell out of me for giving a fuck about your well-being”
Cade sighs, his guilty eyes downcast. “I’m sorry. I’ll take it.”
I should be happy, wearing a victorious grin on my face. I guilt Theo into shit all the time. So why, when Cade downs the pill in one swallow, do I feel like I’m part of the problem? Allowing him to suffer in silence. Alone. With God knows what floating through his head.
“Attaboy,” I praise, but I don’t mean it. My stomach churns with the thought that I may never be able to help Cade like he needs.
I’m seconds from tears when he takes my hand with a frown, pulling me to the bed. “Come on. Let’s binge watchFixer Upper.”
I can do that. I can love my boy, offering him my strength as he slips into the horror that controls his night. We climb on the bed, side by side, sipping our tea. Before I get too comfortable, I fire off a text to Theo. It’s Thursday, and he gets his panties in a bunch if he thinks I am bailing on him, especially with Cade.
Ans: Cade still awake. Gave him something. Will be here a while.
Theo: The fuck? I’m starvinggggg. Can someone else rock him to sleep?
Ans: Don’t be an ass. Go get something to eat. Bring me something too.
Theo: No. Hayes and I are going to the pub to get our dicks wet.
