“Yeah, I’m fine. You okay?”
He shrugs, pacing away. “Yeah. I’m good.”
“Good.” I’m folding our blanket, choosing to ignore the red stain that mocks me, when Theo’s phone rings.
“Yeah. Oh, hey. Yeah, yeah, Vanessa. I remember. No, no, I’m not busy.” He glances my way nervously.
Vanessa, longtime cheerleader of every sport imaginable. Her dark hair and exotic eyes make her irresistible to every dick in a thirty-mile radius. She’s always been nice to me, but only to get close to Theo. I’m no threat to Theo’s fan girls. They know I live in the friend zone.
Theo continues pacing and I wonder if he really remembers who she is.
“Yeah, sure. Give me about an hour and I’ll be over.”
Deep breath. You knew this would happen. Do not act like a lunatic. You said so yourself, it was just a fuck, pop your cherry and be done.
But, now it doesn’t really feel that way. Now, I feel used, discarded.
Theo must have hung up with his whore because next thing I know he’s taking the wadded-up blanket from my hand. “You ready?”
All I can do is nod so the tears don’t fall.
“You’re okay with me hanging out with Vanessa, right? I mean, this,” he motions between him and me, “didn’t change anything, right?”
He’s right. I said it would be no big deal and it isn’t… sort of. I just need a minute to wrap my head around it, is all.
With a fake smile that I hope is hard to make out in the dark, I nod, choking back tears. “Absolutely not. We’re good.”
He smiles, bringing me in for a hug. “Thank fuck.”
I pull away quickly, unable to be close to him for one more second. It’s not his fault, he can’t help it he’s a whore, but still… right after we…
Get it together, Ans.
Theo bumps my shoulder, almost pushing me to the ground. “High five it up here for breaking that hymen!” He holds his stupid hand up for me to return his five.
Would it be tacky if I punched him in the face instead? Yeah? Whatever, five it is. I smack it with less enthusiasm than he’s expecting. He frowns for a minute, his steady gaze on mine. “We’re still friends, right?”
“Yes, Theo. Stop being such a chick about it.”
I hustle toward the car. I need to get out of herenow. One more moment staring at those puppy dog eyes and I will break down and cry. No one needs to see that.
Theo’s footsteps pound behind me as he jogs to catch up. “Damn right we are! Friends with benefits!”
Anger burns in my chest, and at the same time, I’m glad he’s so giddy about it. Maybe I will be too once I pull my heart out of my ass. And maybe after a few shots of liquor, I’ll feel more like a woman and less like a little girl whose heart was just shattered under the stars.
Maybe one day I will be able to be his friend with benefits.
Maybe one day he’ll be mine.
