I try to block out the images. With my eyes closed, I take a breath and will myself to think of anything else. Boats. Fishing. Anything. Surprising myself, I think of a smiling blonde. One who doesn’t take no for an answer. Ever.
More in control, I open my eyes and sneak a glance at Anniston, who’s staring right at me. “You still with me?” she asks cautiously, and rightfully so.
I nod and hurry my pace to keep up with her steps.
She must agree that I’m okay because she looks away, forging up the hill. “Keep up, then.”
We walk in silence, her watching me out of the corner of her eye. The squirrels running amongst the property jump from branch to branch, squawking and chattering every few seconds. Noise is good, noise masks the deafening silence that ultimately leads to bloody visions.
I must have slowed because suddenly I get hip-checked, causing me to stumble.
“So, Cade…”
Uh oh. Her curious tone can only mean one thing: she wants information. I would rather she left me to die than to answer any personal questions. But when I finally meet her eyes, I see only genuine concern. A sigh escapes me as I swallow down all the reasons not to tell her anything.
“What do you want to know?” My voice is soft as I give her the opening she wanted.
Briefly, her eyes widen in shock before the cool mask slips over it. She slows our pace, weaving through the tall wheat stalks. “Are you homeless, Cade?”
Anniston doesn’t look at me when she asks, and for that, I am grateful. Admitting that you made poor life decisions is always a sucker punch to the ego.
“I, uh…” Clearing my throat, I work through the nerves and try again. “Yes, I am.”
Anniston walks slightly ahead, never looking back or acknowledging my confession. “For how long?”
Her question bothers me more than it should. Although I like to think I don’t give a fuck what people think of me anymore, I do. And right now, I do a whole fucking lot. I hate that this woman has seen me at my worst. I hate that I care what she thinks. I hate that she has shown me kindness. Most of all, I hate that she makes me feel like I want to change.
My steps falter as I struggle to think of a way to tell her the truth without sounding like a failure. In the end, there’s no way to soften it, so I suck it up and own up to my decisions.
“Four years.”
This time she stops, turning around abruptly. “Four years?” Her hand covers her mouth like my answer made her nauseated. “You’ve been homeless for four years? Where is your family?”
I leave her standing there, her mouth covered, her expression full of disgust and keep walking. No one needs eye contact for my next admission.
“I don’t have any family. They’re all dead. It’s just me.”
I can hear her hurrying to catch up.
“I get that. Mine too. But why do you live on the streets? You’re military, don’t they have special programs to help guys like you?”
Guys like me. That’s the statement of the year.
I scoff. “Guys like me?” My voice tics up in volume as the rage and regret I bury on a daily basis bubbles to the surface. “Guys who kill their whole platoon?”
An evil laugh erupts from me as I spin, coming face to face with those innocent eyes. “No, Anniston. Killers like me don’t deserve help. We deserve to die. You should have left me in the ditch.”
With a slight shove, I push her away, guilty and ashamed. A silent tear slides down her cheek, her hand reaching for me. I sidestep her advance. “Don’t cry for me, Anniston. I don’t deserve your tears.”
At my remark, she swipes at the tear and snatches me by the shirt, hauling me against her chest. “Let me tell you one thing, Cade. I don’t fucking take orders from you. You will accept my help or I’ll report you to every sheriff’s station this side of Georgia. I will ensure you have a warm place to sleep at night, whether it’s in my home or a jail cell. You pick. I don’t give a rat’s ass what you believe you deserve.”
She pushes me, not hard enough to move me but enough to serve as a warning that she’s not weak and can’t be pushed around easily.
“I’m going back inside. Don’t stay out here too long.” With that parting remark, she leaves me to digest her threats.
Deep down, I know I could disappear and she would never find me. She doesn’t know I’m Major Cade Jameson, former leader of a black ops team. No, she only knows me as Cade, the homeless man.
And for that reason alone, I follow her back into the house. For salvation? For redemption? I don’t know but I have a feeling Anniston McCallister is about to turn my world upside down.
