Now it’s Theo’s turn to look at me like I’m the stupid one.
“What? It’s a good plan.”
He grimaces and runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “I need to warn Thad that he probably should stand by in case we need to be bailed out of jail.”
That might not be a bad idea, but I don’t tell Theo. He looks pretty uptight, and starts to pace with that damn finger to his lip. Instantly my vagina starts to drool like the whore she is.Down girl! No sex for you until the penis does what we need it to.
Pacing alongside the picture window, he voices his concerns out loud. “How are you planning to keep the dog, Ans?”
I shrug. “I’m hoping she won’t be home and Brad will look legit putting the dog in the back of his truck and leaving an ordinance violation on her door. Hopefully, she’ll never try to look for him.”
His eyes widen in horror. And the award for best drama goes to… “Oh my gosh. This is exactly why you should always be supervised.”
I give him my middle finger, which he doesn’t acknowledge.
“What we need is a reason that she can’t have him back.”
“Other than she’s a cunt and should be shot?”
He nods, frowning a little but then bounces excitedly. “What if a super sexy jogger,” he uses air quotes, “gets bit and insists the rabid animal be put down or he’ll sue?”
Hell, yeah! See, this is why Theo is my motherfucking wingman. Underneath all those hard-earned muscles, he actually has a genius brain.
I jump from the chair and launch myself at him. “That idea is perfect. You are so getting that blow job!”
“Do you think we need to take a water bowl or something?” Theo asks, rifling through a box.
We’re both squatting in the attic, trying not to bump our heads on the nails protruding from the roof.
I look up from the box I’m digging through in search of a dog leash. I know my grandparents used to have one here somewhere. “Nah, we’ll swing by a drive-through.”
Theo looks confused for a moment but he shrugs it off quickly and continues to busy himself in his own box. I already have a dog bowl and a bottled water. I just wanted to see if he would question me. Nope. He’ll go along with anything at this point in our relationship. He has complete trust in me.
I’m almost to the point of giving up on the leash when he shouts, “Found it!”
“Thank goodness! Come on, let’s get going before we lose the daylight. It’s an hour drive.”
I open the passenger door to Theo’s precious Mustang and I kid you not, there are about fifty blankets in the backseat. “Are you preparing for the apocalypse, or what?”
“What?” He’s distracted, fumbling with the radio.
“What’s with all the blankets, weirdo?” The sound of a game comes through the speakers and he’s apparently spellbound. Giving up on getting an answer, I throw the rest of our gear in the back atop the mountain of blankets. He speeds out of the driveway as soon as my seatbelt is on.
We meet Brad at some Podunk gas station right outside the town of Madison, where Mason’s ex resides. He’s standing next to his scratched and dinged animal taxi. The truck is not in very decent shape, but I guess that’s to be expected when you haul unwilling animals around all day.
Theo parks several spaces away from Brad’s vehicle, which I find seriously amusing. “Are you scared he may jump you and grab a handful of that ass?”
He doesn’t share my amusement, but scoffs, correcting me, “Hell no. I just don’t want my car getting fleas.”
“Ah. I should have known you wouldn’t mind a little ass grabbing, but God forbid this precious car gets dirty. What if the dog has fleas? What are you going to do then?”
He frowns, his dimples sinking deeper in his cheek, making him appear incredibly boyish. He’s quiet and I can tell he’s trying to figure out the situation. With a resolute sigh, he says, “It’ll come out of your ass,” and jumps out of the car.
Okay, then. I may or may not look forward to it.
I pop open the door and jog to catch up with him. No way is he going to act like the leader of this little operation, and all jokes aside, Brad better keep his greedy paws off my boy’s ass. I have worked that ass hard to get it to look like that. No one, and I mean no one, gets to grab it unless I say.
Brad greets us with the typical southern acknowledgment. “Hey y’all. Good to see you.” He extends his hand to Theo and surprisingly, without hesitation, Theo shakes it. I start to give him my hand, but instead he grabs my arm and pulls me in for a hug. “Naw, girl. I need a hug.”
