Reaching out, I grabbed Conrad’s hand and pulled it toward me, clutching it. His scent adjusted to the normal aroma of autumn leaves, no sour edge, as if he’d sensed my presence and calmed in his sleep.
“The nurses gave me medication to block out the pain,” I whispered. “I think it blocked him out too. That’s worn off now.”
“I’ll get more.” West stalked to the door, his hand on the knob before I could stop him.
“Wait, no. I can’t rely on that.”
Growling under his breath, West turned to me and crossed his arms over his chest. “He’s in your head. If medication keeps him out, then you should have access to it.”
“I can keep him out on my own.” My claim sounded more confident than I truly was.
Honestly, I didn’t know if I could.
But I had to learn how to build mental barricades to keep him out, or what then? I wouldn’t always have medication to help me. I didn’t want to leave myself in a position where I broke the second a prescription ran out.
“If he’s causing you pain?—”
West was poised to argue some more, but I shook my head.
“It’s his emotions that hurt me,” I explained. “He’s not a good person, and being filled with his hatred, his envy, and his resentment is too much. My heart throbs every time he gets past my barriers. It’s not physical pain, though. Long term… their medication would stop working.”
Long term.
Benjamin’s emotions battered me some more, sensing the weakness that thought brought.
I didn’t want to consider that I would be stuck with this poisoned bond far beyond the short term, but I would. How was I supposed to get out of it? How was I supposed to banishBenjamin from my head and heart, when any attempt to get rid of him would kill me too?
Winding my fingers through Mercer’s, I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder. West was fuming by the door, probably considering going to get the nurses for me despite my refusal.
I wouldn’t take anything else they brought me. This was my burden to bear. My sin to suffer.
“How can we help you, then?” Mercer asked softly. “We want to help.”
“Distract me. Not having time to think about him is the best way to keep him out.”
“If you need a distraction, why don’t you tell us about your family?”
My cheeks went pink. They knew all about my family now. The weight of that had been lost in the chaos of my forced bond and ill-timed heat, but I owed them an explanation.
“I’m sorry I didn’t?—”
“That’s not what I meant.” Mercer stopped me, squeezing my hand. “I want to know what your family means to you. You don’t need to apologize for who they are.”
“As much as I wish you’d fucking told us,” West muttered, “I agree.”
He tore himself away from the door, coming to sit at the foot of Conrad’s bed. I glanced down at my unconscious mate, knowing he would kill to be able to hear me talk about myself. Maybe he could hear me? They’d tranquilized him, so his rest wasn’t exactly typical right now.
Either way, I’d repeat some of the stories to him later.
“Well, as annoying as my fathers are, they’re the best dads I could have ended up with,” I said with a smile. Then, I launched into all my favourite stories from my childhood, the weight of reality slowly lifting off my chest.
Chapter
Ten
TALIA
I had to leave Conrad’s side eventually, if only because my stomach growled in protest.
