Systematically, I went through all the clothes and pillows I’d gathered, removing everything that wasn’t Leighton’s. The clothes I’d stolen from Mercury. The pillow Dash had used to sleep. All of it was thrown to the floor as far away as I could get it.
Every removal tore a tiny piece of me apart. My hands shook and tears drenched the blankets, but I kept going. Ambrose’s horror and pain was a welcome feeling, because it complemented mine. We were both breaking apart.
I didn’t stop until every hint of their scent was gone.
It was only me and Leighton, and I curled myself around her pillow. Covered myself in her blanket. I surrounded myself with all of her and none of them.
I bet Ambrose thought I was rejecting them.
I wasn’t.
But I couldn’t have them in the nest because the temptation was too much. If their scents were here, wrapped around me, I would give in the next time a cramp threatened to take me out. I wanted them to help me, to fix the part of me that needed a knot to heal my aches.
I fucking refused.
This was Leighton’s moment too. She had to be here.
I wouldn’t have my heat until none of my alphas were missing.
“Do you need anything?” Ambrose asked, his voice choked.
He might have been crying as much as I was, but I didn’t want to know. I wouldn’t look. I hated hurting my alpha too much to look.
“No.”
“We’ll be out here if you need anything, prin—” He cleared his throat, started again. “We’ll be out here.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and palmed Nyla, her holster abrasive against my thigh. Ambrose left, closing the door behind him, and I was grateful. The closed door helped their delicious scents stay far away from me—where they had to be, if I was going to make it through this.
Spring rain and peaches clung to my skin enough as it was.
Hot iron and smoke hung in the doorway.
Old books and cinnamon taunted me, because Mercury might never trust me again. He’d taken so long to open up in the first place, and now I’d kicked all of them out.
Vanilla cream was a far too faint blanket on my nest, but it was the reminder I needed.
If there was no Leighton, there was no heat.
They might not believe me, but it would have been the same if it was anyone else. She may be the only alpha fully bonded to me, but they were all mine and this heat wouldn’t be the same if anyone was missing.
“They’re going to get her back,” I whispered against the pillow, before another debilitating cramp hit me again.
My vision was fuzzy, head spinning. This was the worst pain I’d felt in my life. The injury that gave me my eyebrow scar had nothing on the twist in my stomach. Neither did hunger pains, from all those times Tobias had stolen my food while Father had me in isolation.
The pain in my core might even be worse than the needles stabbing my heart right now, while my alphas were all away from me.
Sobbing, I let the world fade in and out around me. There was no comprehension of time. Only pain. I didn’t even hear my alphas moving around outside this room over the pulse of my own discomfort.
But I did hear when my phone chimed on the nightstand.
I sat up halfway and stared at it for a tense minute. It didn’t chime again.
Five people had that phone number. My alphas, and Liberty.
I hesitantly grabbed the device, knowing that if it was one of the alphas in this apartment… I would break. If there was some apology lighting up my screen, I would go into the living room and beg for them. I could only be so strong when hormones were playing me like a violin.
Checking it was dangerous for that reason, but I needed to know if it was someone else messaging me.
