I growled at his disruption of my sanctuary. He was quick to put the now scent-covered pillows back where they’d come from. My growl morphed to a purr. “Yes.”
My eyelids were drooping already, my nostrils full of Emmett’s comforting scent, and I fell asleep to the soft sound of Shan asking what the fuck was going on.
I was almost awake enough to mumble at him to fuck off.
Almost.
* * *
I dreamt as I napped, which was unusual.
Could I remember the last time I’d had a movie running inside my head while unconscious? No. Not at all.
Today was different.
The movie ran on a loop, one horrifying event after another, but always came back to the same place.
I died.
My heart gave out like the stories I’d read about in the books, the ones they only talked about when cautioning Omegas about how they needed an Alpha. I felt it happen, the organ constricting in my chest and feeling like it burst.
The bird’s eye view I had seconds later showed my body lying on the cot in my makeshift nest, Emmett’s arms around me and tears welling in his eyes. Caspian was collapsed into a heap on the ground, sobbing, and Shan was standing there, staring at me in horror. Nolan and Oswald burst into the room a second later, one of Ozzy’s hands resting on the small of his back as they both froze.
I was fuckingdead.
This was an omen if I’d ever seen one. The gods telling me my hubris would be punished. I’d gone too long denying myself, and had continued to claim I was better than the biological imperative even once I’d given in to one part of it.
After the scene of my body in the nest, it jumped forward in pieces.
Shan going after Nolan, as if my sins were his fault. I saw mouths moving but heard no words. Oswald stopped the fight, but got injured in the process. Caspian’s lips were wide open in a scream, likely begging them to stop. Emmett stared down at me, anguish in his gaze.
Something happened in the timeline, and I jumped forward. Shan was attacking Kylan, exacting his vengeance on the man for pushing me to the point of trusting no one. Kylan was faceless in this dream, but I knew it was him because no one else would be able to kill Shan.
Kylan did.
Kill Shan, I mean.
Unlike my death, where I would reincarnate again, Shan’s death was final. Killing an angel killed the soul’s final life. We’d never get another chance in a future life.
In a different place and different time, Ozzy and Nolan shared a human snack, leaving the body limp on the ground. Their expressions showed no affection for each other, nothing like what I’d seen when they’d been together earlier. They were simply sharing each other’s sins, forced to spend their lives together by the bond.
And Caspian…
Oh, poor Caspian.
He lost himself to the monster inside him, the one he’d desperately tried to shove down. Emmett couldn’t feed him enough or restrain him, so he cleaned up the mess of bodies, both their days filled with sorrow and death.
Then we got back to my death.
Over, and over, and over again.
I couldn’t take this forever. Each time I saw them like that, my heart cracked. I’ddoneit to them. My inability to trust broke five men to pieces.
The worst part was it wasn’t even an inability to trust, at this point. I trusted every single one of them with my life. My downfall would be my own insistence on being alone and pushing people away. As I watched the infirmary scene once again, tears leaked from the corners of my eyes.
FOUR
Emmett
