Wasn’t super appealing. The risk was high that I would kill myself and die for good, since I hadn’t figured out how I was being thrust back through time.
Alternatively… what if I killed the guys?
I had no evidence they were killing me, other than them being the only residents present in the house. And if they weren’t all in on it together, I didn’t know which one was killing me. But if I killed them all, then I couldn’t die, in theory. The tactic wouldn’t get me out of the house, but I’d have my peace of mind.
Fuck, I couldn’t do it.
They’d grown on me, and I was just now realizing my affection was more than a purely physical attraction. Waylon was vulnerable beneath his shield of sarcasm, and had sewn me a dress I would never see finished because I inspired him. Zan was sweet and caring, ensuring I was always comfortable. I, shockingly, was comfortable around him now. In the mornings I barely waved him off, but he sensed that slight discomfort and knew to keep his distance. Bennett was a voice of reason with a dark side, and I wanted to spend more time with him. Silent but present, I felt Abraxas watching me in the library more often than not. I was sure if I’d fallen off another ladder, he would have been there to catch me. And Kirin was more than the flirtatious orc I’d taken him for at first. He didn’t want to be in control of interactions. What he wanted was the exact opposite of that.
“I should have come up with the last resort options earlier,” I mumbled to myself, collapsing back in the uncomfortable desk chair. “Killing them might have been a good idea. Ixaris knows they don’t have my best interests at heart, and have less than zero issues with killing me. Why should I care more about them?”
There was no should or should not about it, though.
Despite my thoughts, there was nothing I could do. I cared too much. And knowing that made me feel out of control.
***
There was one surefire way of feeling in control again, and hopefully it would give me some perspective, too.
Well, as surefire as it could be, considering I’d only done it once. But I’d been floating on top of the world for days, so I was going to trust the process.
All I needed was Kirin.
Not that I didn’t want to take a bite out of the other men just as much, but they wouldn’t be able to relax me in the same way. Humiliating Waylon would be a lot of mental work because I’d have to figure out where his lines were. He hadn’t appeared to have any at first glance, but I would rather be safe than sorry. Bennett was too dominant to give me control, Zan was still a ghost despite my warming up to him, and I wasn’t sure what Abraxas was into. I also didn’t know where his cock was housed, which I would consider to be important information before starting anything.
Kirin was perfect.
So I dropped everything I was doing to find him.
He was in his room upstairs, the door hanging open, sitting at a desk with his reading glasses falling down his nose. There was a quill pen in his hand, his notebook open in front of him. Seeing the orc looking so scholarly was a turn on, I had to admit. Especially since, if I had my way, he would soon be scholarly and spread out on his bed without trousers.
It took him a few seconds, pen scratching against the paper, before he noticed I was in the room with him. When he did, he turned around and gave me a sly grin. Something flirtatious was going to fall out of his mouth, but I didn’t give him a chance to gain the upper hand.
This was my time to have the upper hand, damnit. My relaxation time.
“I’m curious, do you only like me to bite your cock and squeeze your balls to the point of pain, or are there other kinky things you enjoy?”
His mouth dropped open, colour rising in his cheeks. With his green skin, the blush was more of a bluey-purple than pink. “How do you know about that?” he said, blurting the words out as he rolled his chair away from me.
I was coming on a little strong, considering he had no memories of our previous experience. Channeling confidence I didn’t truly have, I smirked. It might have been more of an awkward grin, but I was going for a smirk. “Not important. Answer the question, Kirin.”
Scratching his upper lip with one of his fangs, he licked his lips. Every inch of his huge body was tensed and wound up tight, his legs bouncing. Did he want to run? Was I making him that uncomfortable? I took a step back, planning on easing up, but he gave me what I wanted.
“Knife play. Milking, electro shock, nipple clamps, pegging. And the cock and ball torture stuff.”
The list was more extensive than I’d expected, but my brain stuck on the first one. “Knife play? What does that entail?”
It sounded… dangerous. It sounded like the level of control I needed today. Though, we could always default back to biting his cock. I’d had fun sucking him too.
“Um, well, you would touch me. With a knife.”
“Would I cut you with it?”
“I mean, it’s not necessary. Knife play is technically only playing with the knife.”
His gaze flicked away, the movement subtle. He was hiding something. “But?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“Blood play is fun too, so I’m kind of interested in a mixture.”
