“It’s not that interesting,” he said. “I mean, it’s big, but it’s just a house.”
“That’s not how Megan described it to me.”
Megan had gone to the Take Five house last weekend, and her only description of the house had been, “It’s a mansion, and it’s magnificent.”
“Maybe it looks different when you’re seeing it for the first time,” Jude said.
“You’ve only lived there for a few weeks, right?”
“Yeah, but after being on The Next Great Boy Band and everything, I guess I’ve just gotten used to the big houses. It sounds awful, but it’s true—after a while, all this stuff that I spent my life dreaming of just stops being that mind-blowing.”
“I don’t think it sounds awful,” I said quietly.
“Really?”
“Not that I can relate to living in a mansion,” I said, “but I think I know how that feels. Like, before I got on the cheer team, it was all I wanted. I used to go to football and basketball games literally just to watch the cheerleaders because I thought they were so cool. And for the first little while that I was on the team, it was perfect. I loved everything about it. But then, slowly… it stopped being so great. I didn’t want to have to get up for early morning practices, and I was annoyed at having to give up every single Friday night and… well, you get it. When it’s something you don’t have, it looks perfect. And then when you get it, you realize that living your dream doesn’t automatically undo everything wrong in your life.”
Jude bit his lip and brushed his hand along the side of my face. “I always thought fame was everything I wanted. And then I joined Take Five and realized I really underestimated the bad sides of it.”
“Have you ever regretted it?” I asked. “Going on the show? Sticking with the band?”
“No. Not seriously.” He paused, but I didn’t try to fill the silence between us. I had a feeling this was something he needed to share with somebody but never had. Something he needed time to get the courage to say. “I mean, the thought popped up a couple of times, you know? When we spent hours at the studio because we couldn’t quite get the recording right or we had cabin fever from having to constantly see each other while on tour or…” He swallowed and blinked a few times. “Or when my sister got into a car accident, and I was on the other side of the country and couldn’t come home.”
“Oh, Jude…” I whispered. I’d never read that story, which made me think it wasn’t public knowledge. A story that big—that traumatic—would have spread like wildfire through the gossip sites.
“She’s okay now,” Jude said. He wiped away the stray tear that had fallen down his face. “But I think that was one time I really stopped to question what I was doing. If I could handle being that far away from my family. And I—at the time, I actually told my mom that. When she called me to tell me about the accident, I said that maybe I should come home, that maybe I should give up on all of this. And you know what she said to me?” He licked his lips. “She said that they all knew that chasing my dreams would take sacrifices. And that while it was my choice what I wanted to do, I had already made so many sacrifices to get there, and it seemed like a damn waste to throw them away now.”
“She sounds like a smart woman,” I murmured.
“Yeah.” He nodded slowly. “Yeah, she is. And she was right. But I won’t pretend that it wasn’t—isn’t—hard.” He sighed and rolled on his back, wiping any remnants of his tears off his face. He chuckled, but there was no humour behind it. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring the mood down.”
“You didn’t.”Tell me everything about yourself. Every single detail of your life. I want to know it all.
“Let’s put on a movie,” Jude said. Just like that, he was back to his usual, happy self. Like a light switch flip. “Like I said, it’s your day, so let’s watch your favorites.”
“Me being sick qualifies this as my day?” I asked.
“Of course.” He grabbed the remote from where we’d left it on the ground earlier and turned on the TV. “Come on, whatever you want. What’s your favorite movie ever?”
“Well, I like romances,” I said.
Jude scrolled down to the rom-com section of the site, but instead of looking at the movies, I kept my eyes on him. I’d never seen him so up close before this, and I was noticing details of his face I’d never seen before. The way he had a little smattering of freckles over his nose, so faint that they were barely visible. The green flecks in his brown eyes. His soft brown hair that fell over his forehead. Was there anyone in the world who had a face so beautiful?
Jude turned his head to look at me. We were so close that our noses were nearly touching.
“Why are you staring at me?” he asked in a whisper.
“Because I want to.”
He turned onto his side fully, the remote forgotten at his side. “Why?”
“Because you’re beautiful,” I said before I could stop myself. Jude blinked, long and slow, and his lips turned up in a tiny grin.
“Not nearly as beautiful as you.”
I wasn’t sure which one of us closed the gap, whether I moved without realizing it or he leaned in. Maybe it was both of us. All I knew was that one second, I was looking deeply into his eyes, and the next, I was kissing him.
True to his nature, kissing Jude was soft and gentle, although euphoric at the same time. I let myself sink into it for a good few seconds before I forced myself to pull away.
